Being a grown up is hard work!

The last few days have been CRAZY! My little family is here in New Jersey visiting with some of Hubby's family. We have also been traveling to maryland for him to take a few police tests. The good news is he passed them all! I am so proud of him! The hard part is now having to decide what we are going to do. Pack up our lives and accept a job on the east coast, or have him reenlist and go another twelve years with him in the military. 

Both decisions have their good and bad points...

Taking the Maryland job:

PROS...

Experiencing another part of the country

Getting out of the military

Hubby getting to be close to his family

G getting to be around his other grandparents more

Experiencing more than one season

Meeting new people

CONS...

Moving away from my family and friends

Having to suffer through a snowy winter season

The uncertainty of what life will be like taking this job

Not making as much money

Potentially having G in daycare so I can work

Reenlisting:

PROS...

A guaranteed paycheck for the next 12 years

Retirement

Benefits like health insurance

CONS...

Deployments 

Not having a say about where we live or how long we live there

Being on military time

Never being able to establish a life somewhere

I'm stressed out. But I can't even come close to imagining how stressed out my husband it. Whatever decision he makes not only affects him, but his wife and kid as well. He carries that weight around with him and I feel terrible. 

I wish this was an easy decision. 

Leavin' on a jet plane!

For a very long time now, Hubby has been trying to get hired with a Police Department out here in California. Things didn't work out right away and he was forced to re-enlist for another 4 years. We had just gotten married and he chose four years of stable income instead of following his career dreams. For that, I am so very grateful! Well, fast forward 4 years, and we are coming to another crossing point. His contract is almost up and he is in line for two police jobs. One here and one in Maryland. Unfortunately, the job here is taking much longer to process than we thought it would and Hubby is literally DAYS away from having to decide if he wants to re-enlist AGAIN! This time, to make a 20 year career out of it.

Needless to say, the stress level in this house has been turned to eleven...

Tomorrow we head to the east coast for him to take a few more tests. It sounds as though the job is his as long as he passes these tests. That's good right?! Well, if any of you know me, you probably just imaged me kicking and screaming while being dragged through the airport. That's not the case though. I do have reservations about leaving and I am seriously terrified of having to pack up my 25 year life in California and head to a new place, but will it really be as bad as I imagine? The fight within me is unreal.

I'm terrified of change! Of course it would be nice to see another part of this country. Experience something new. And who knows...Maybe I will actually love it! It's having an open mind that's killing me. I don't want to go. I don't want to say good bye to my family and friends. I don't want to leave everything I have ever know. I don't want to give up my year round summer or the beautiful beaches. Today I wore a sundress...A FREAKIN SUNDRESS IN JANUARY, PEOPLE! How amazing is that?! And what if I hate it there? What if I am absolutely miserable??

I am really having a hard time with this...I just wish I wasn't made to feel bad about being uncertain. Which is why I am venting here...instead of out loud. Here I can get everything off my chest without interruptions. Without judgement.

Well, these bags aren't going to pack themselves! There's a good chance I'll be back to continue my rant. You're lucky you aren't in my head right now!

I HATE Square One

I promised myself I would document my "weight loss journey" and I guess part of that journey will be let downs...

I have been going at this for 2 whole weeks now. Two weeks of vitamins, two weeks of eating right, and two weeks of working out. Up until last night I felt great! I felt like I had more energy! I was actually excited to get on the elliptical every day. I felt a change that I haven't felt in a very long time. Until last night...I was happy with how things were going...

Well, last night I had my husband take my measurements. I was convinced that even though I didn't really SEE a difference in my body yet, the numbers would prove me wrong. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. While comparing numbers, I felt every ounce of motivation leave my body. One swift blow to the face...My measurements were exactly the same...

HOW COULD THAT BE?!?!

Two weeks of busting my ass and not a single thing to show for it!! Even just typing those words brings me to tears...

Mentally I am back to square one. And I guess technically, physically, I never left square one...

M.I.L.F Status ;)

Okay...maybe I'm not a milf YET...But I will be!!

Operation Hot Mama is in full effect!

As I mentioned before, part of my resolution was to get healthy. I used the word "healthy" for a reason. I don't just want to be skinny, I want to be fit! I want my outside to look and feel just as great as my inside! That means exercising AND eating right!

For the last two weeks or so, I have been on a supplement program to help jump start my body on the inside and get it cleaned out. In addition to that, I have been working out on our elliptical for 20 mins almost every day. I weighed myself, took measurements AND took "before" pictures on Day 1 but have not had a chance to take a new set of numbers since then. I must say, though, I do FEEL better! I still don't think I look like I have lost weight and I don't really see a difference in how my clothes fit yet but feeling great is just as important as looking great :) (especially when your self esteem is as low as mine...boo)

On top of my supplement program and my elliptical work outs, I started the Bikini Body Mommy Challenge (again). It is a 90 day program and all exercises are done in the home using mostly just your own body weight. 

Today was day 1...the Fit Test!

This is BY FAR the hardest part of the challenge. It is a series of 8 exercises in 8 minutes. You have to do as many of each as you can and you record your number. Throughout the 90 days, the Fit Test pops up a few more times, and each time you record your numbers and HOPEFULLY you've improved!

It doesn't seem difficult on paper, but holy mother of all that is holy....THIS KILLS ME!!!! By the end of the 8 minutes, I have just enough energy in me to make it to the toilet to throw up. I'm not sure why this happens to me, but every time I do this Fit Test, I end up with my face over the bowl. It is just that wicked! Luckily, the other days of the challenge are a little nicer :)

Here are my results....Don't laugh...

Speed Squats: 30

High Knees: 65

Push Ups: 20

Squat Jumps: 13

Tricep Dips: 12

Burpees: 8

Alternating Lunges: 30

Elbow Plank: 50seconds

Anyways, since today was the first day of this challenge, I will be taking a new set of measurement and pictures. I don't like doing it, but when I am complete with the full 90 days, I want to be able to see how far I've come :)

Yay for fitness!

Did I just say that?!

2014 Welcome back to blogging, Ashleigh!

It has been quite some time since my last post. Being a new mom has pretty much sucked up any free time I used to have! (not that I'm complaining!)

As part of my 2014 New Year Resolution, I decided to get back to blogging. I loved having a place to just spill my thoughts, big or small. Clear my head. Get it all down on paper...er...computer?

2014 is my year! I made a few resolutions for myself....

Number 1: Get healthy!! I've used being a new mom as an excuse for my weight for a year now, and I don't think anyone is buying it anymore! I don't have an excuse. Working out and eating right was just not something I was ready for yet. I was not in the right mind set and it didn't matter what I did, if my mind wasn't going to change, my body wasn't going to either. But the excuses are done with. I vow to be the healthiest version of myself! That means not only am I getting my body healthy, but my mid too!

Number 2: Control the controllables! This is something that my dad has said to me for years now. I just sort of brushed it off as "dad advice". But I have come to realize that it is THE BEST piece of advice I have ever been given. I spend too much time worrying about the "what ifs", the "maybes", and not enough time focusing on the positives I have sitting right in front of me.

Number 3: Just go with it! Stop wasting time being afraid! This is by far the hardest part of my resolution. I am afraid of a lot of things. Spiders, drowning, breaking a bone, snakes (okay, pretty much any creepy, crawly, hairy, slimy, non-domestic creature known to man), falling, dying...But above all, I am afraid of change. Any kind of change, big or small, scares the sh*t out of me! Why? I have absolutely NO IDEA!!!! I hate uncertainty. I hate not knowing what that change will do in my life. I like routine. I like structure. You would think after almost 6 years of living on Marine Corps time, I would be used to not knowing how anything will turn out, but I'm not. I need to stop being afraid, and just go with it!

And finally, Number 4: Be happy! This one may seem silly to some of you. You're probably thinking "Duh, why wouldn't you be happy?" Well, I am... I have a great husband who works his ASS off to keep this family together! I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my belly. I have two dogs who keep me company every day and show me unconditional love even when I am at my breaking point. But most importantly, I have to most wonderful kid anyone could ask for! He is my whole world, my shining star, my reason to wake up every morning with a smile on my face and the reason I go to bed every night with that same beaming smile! He is my baby and I love him more than words could ever express. So this part of the resolution is not necessarily to "be happy" but to appreciate the happiness and express gratitude! Smile more, Ashleigh...You have a lot to smile about!

Okay, enough of my ramblings... It is time to get back into Mommy Mode, nap time is almost over!

Hello, 2014! I am ready for you!