Sometimes I wonder if I am cut out for this job. Being a mom, that is.
It's crazy to think that I have dreamed of being a mommy since I was a kid! But now that I am one, I am constantly trying to remind myself that I am good enough for this role. Why is it so freakin' hard?! How can I love someone so much when he spends 90% of his day driving me bonkers?! How do I keep my kid occupied AND stay on top of the chores? How do I make him happy? How do I make Hubby happy? How do I make MYSELF happy??
And when did being a Mom become such a Goddamn competition?! If I could change one thing about motherhood, it would be all the competitive, petty, bullshit that happens on the regular! If you don't want to know or see what my child is doing, or if you're going to have a negative opinion about it, then you can kick rocks. I didn't ask for your opinion, I don't care what you think, and I don't need to know that you think your child is more advanced than mine. I think my kid is pretty amazing and that's all that matters! I happen to worship the ground he walks on. I happen to be pretty proud of everything he has accomplished in the last 16 months!
Why do people feel it's necessary to constantly belittle one another? I would NEVER talk badly about a child. Nor would I ever talk badly about the person raising that child! Nobody knows my baby like his dad and I do. And I don't pretend to know your child better than you do. I will continue to raise my son the best way that I know how and if I think I need your assistance, I will ask for it. Don't make me feel bad if my choices are not the same as yours. As Mothers, and one of the biggest influences in our kid's lives, we should BE THERE for one another. LIFT each other when we're feeling down. PRAISE accomplishments!
I tend to get lost in this toxic crowd. Unable to plot my escape. I fall victim to the harsh words. I start to believe that what I'm doing isn't enough. That I am not enough...
Sometimes my house is a mess. Sometimes the dishes pile up. Sometimes we call for pizza when cooking dinner seems next to impossible. Sometimes I choose to curl my hair instead of vacuuming because I just need that little pick me up to keep myself going that day.
I may not have the cleanest house, or the most organized lifestyle, but my baby is fed, he's bathed, he's taught, played with...and dare I say it? HAPPY! And those little smiles...those sweet hugs and kisses throughout the day... THOSE are the things that let me know that what I am doing is totally worth it. That I mean something major to another human being. I am his Mom and he is my baby. There is no greater love. There is no greater job. And Motherhood is DEFINITELY a job I'm cut out for.
