Life is like an hourglass...Eventually everything hits the bottom and all you have to do is wait it out until someone comes along and turns it around...

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Our new home!

G and I arrived at our new home on Sunday. Hubby had already set up the major necessities, i.e. living room furniture, our beds, daily kitchen needs, etc. That made things a little easier on me. It felt like home with all of my things waiting for me instead of walking into an empty shell of a house. I have been trying to get the rest of our things unpacked little by little. We have waayyyy too much crap for a family of three! How did that happen???

I'm liking this area so far. Although still California, I might as well be in a different state. Things are green here! GREEN! I have trees in my backyard...No, not palm trees. Big, leafy, shade giving, green trees! Birds live in them! This kid and the dogs are absolutely loving having a back yard. I must admit, I love it too. I don't have have everyone under my feet all day. When I need to get stuff done, I just send the pups out for some playtime and voila! It's amazing :)
Our house is very small. With that come good and bad things. The nice part is I don't have much to clean! The not so nice part is trying to find room for all of the previously mentioned crap we have accumulated over the years. I see a garage sale in our near future!

Anyways, I have compiled a Pros/Cons list based on what I have experienced in the last two days.

PROS:

Did I mention it's green here?
The weather has been beautiful.
Our neighborhood is very quiet.
There is a Starbucks within walking distance.
We have a kids park just around the corner from our house.
My cousin lives nearby.
Target, Walmart and Costco are all about 10 minutes away.
We're close to the city, but not too close.
We have a GIANT backyard!
Mail is delivered to our front door.
We're about 10 minutes from the water...hello fishing, swimming, relaxing family time!

CONS:

I have no idea where the F@#K I am going!!
Some of the nearby blocks/towns are ghetto-ish but I have no idea which ones.
The city has one way streets.
I need GPS just to get out of my neighborhood.
I need Yelp to find food, water, grocery....everything....
My family and friends now 8 1/2 hours away.
G asks for his grandparents every morning and it breaks my heart.
The speed limit is about 15mph less than in SoCal and I feel like a turtle.



I have a lot to get used to but I have an open mind and a positive mindset! I am excited to see what the next 3-ish years have in store for my little family :)

PS...If you want to come visit, we have an extra room and a VERY comfy blow up mattress.

Monday, May 12, 2014

A new city!

The day is quickly approaching!! The day that we get to find out where we are moving to!

I have known the date that we would find out since the very beginning of all of this but for some reason I didn't realize that it was right around the corner! In just 10 days, I will know where we will live for the next 3 years. I would appreciate any thoughts and prayers here...Please don't send me to the middle of nowhere!!! This CaliGirl needs sun, sand, and a Starbucks on every corner!

I am actually getting quite nervous to find out! This is a huge deal for me. I have never lived anywhere else before so the thought of moving away from everything I have known for the last 25 years is really freaking me out!

I'm also excited though! This will be a big change for our little family. A journey, as everyone keeps saying. We will get the opportunity to see a new part of the country and not everyone can say that! Some people go their whole lives without ever seeing what is past their front porch. Well, that won't be me anymore! A new city, new people. A chance to start fresh! And THAT is something I can look forward to!

Saturday, May 10, 2014

In need of a confidence boost!

Sometimes I wonder if I am cut out for this job. Being a mom, that is.

It's crazy to think that I have dreamed of being a mommy since I was a kid! But now that I am one, I am constantly trying to remind myself that I am good enough for this role. Why is it so freakin' hard?! How can I love someone so much when he spends 90% of his day driving me bonkers?! How do I keep my kid occupied AND stay on top of the chores? How do I make him happy? How do I make Hubby happy? How do I make MYSELF happy??

And when did being a Mom become such a Goddamn competition?! If I could change one thing about motherhood, it would be all the competitive, petty, bullshit that happens on the regular! If you don't want to know or see what my child is doing, or if you're going to have a negative opinion about it, then you can kick rocks. I didn't ask for your opinion, I don't care what you think, and I don't need to know that you think your child is more advanced than mine. I think my kid is pretty amazing and that's all that matters! I happen to worship the ground he walks on. I happen to be pretty proud of everything he has accomplished in the last 16 months!

Why do people feel it's necessary to constantly belittle one another? I would NEVER talk badly about a child. Nor would I ever talk badly about the person raising that child! Nobody knows my baby like his dad and I do. And I don't pretend to know your child better than you do. I will continue to raise my son the best way that I know how and if I think I need your assistance, I will ask for it. Don't make me feel bad if my choices are not the same as yours. As Mothers, and one of the biggest influences in our kid's lives, we should BE THERE for one another. LIFT each other when we're feeling down. PRAISE accomplishments!

I tend to get lost in this toxic crowd. Unable to plot my escape. I fall victim to the harsh words. I start to believe that what I'm doing isn't enough. That I am not enough...

Sometimes my house is a mess. Sometimes the dishes pile up. Sometimes we call for pizza when cooking dinner seems next to impossible. Sometimes I choose to curl my hair instead of vacuuming because I just need that little pick me up to keep myself going that day.

I may not have the cleanest house, or the most organized lifestyle, but my baby is fed, he's bathed, he's taught, played with...and dare I say it? HAPPY! And those little smiles...those sweet hugs and kisses throughout the day... THOSE are the things that let me know that what I am doing is totally worth it. That I mean something major to another human being. I am his Mom and he is my baby. There is no greater love. There is no greater job. And Motherhood is DEFINITELY a job I'm cut out for.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Busy bee!

I feel like time is zooming past and standing still at the same time. Is that possible?!

When I say that we're moving in June, I feel like that is SOOO far away! But when I say we are moving in exactly 3 months... Well, that seems right around the corner!

Although my stress level is waayyy down after finding a buyer for the house, I still have an outrageous amount of anxiety because I still have NO idea where we are going to be living. That seriously scares the living Hell out of me! I want to plan! I want to research! THIS IS KILLING MEEEEE!

I'm going to be a busy bee next month. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to book my weekends solid with photo shoots. While that's good for the pocket, it's not good for getting this house packed up! Whoops ;)
I did go get boxes and those weird vacuum bags you put blankets and pillows in though! That's a start. I have created a goal for myself to get one box packed up each day. That sounds easy, but with the kid and the dogs taking up all my time and energy, this could be a tough goal to fulfill!

One step at a time, Ashleigh. One step at a time!



Now, since my whole house fell asleep before the sun went down, I should really put my time to use! Buuuttttt..... that Malibu in the fridge is really calling my name. ;D

Sunday, March 16, 2014

I'm a Marine Wife for a little longer.

So much has changed in the last month. I don't even know where to start!

In my last post I talked about us trying to make a decision to either take a police job in MD or try and stay in Ca. Well, we made a decision but it wasn't what we (or anyone else for that matter) were expecting!

Hubby accepted Recruiting Duty orders. This means we're in it for another 3-4 years and will probably end up continuing on in the Military until he retires. Overall this was the best decision for our little family. It is a guaranteed paycheck and great benefits. Something we weren't sure we would have if we waited for an answer from the police departments.

We're both a little sad that Nick's CHP dreams are put on hold, but after talking about it over and over, it just didn't seem smart to keep waiting for them to make a decision. We were also very concerned about his foot and leg, and how long they would last with how much stress a police job would put on them.

I'm trying to stay positive through all of this. But let me tell ya, it ain't easy! We have been CRAZY BUSY the last few weeks getting our house "Sell Worthy". We scrubbed this place top to bottom, wall to wall! The day we put it up for sale, we had three people come look at it! The first week was quite a whirl wind! After just a week and a half, we had three offers and ended up accepting one just a few days ago. Knowing that we have a buyer has definitely taken a weight off of my shoulders. But that's just one piece of the puzzle.

The hardest part of all this, is not knowing where we will move to. We could literally go anywhere in the US! (You could totally say a little prayer that we end up in NorCal...if you want.) I really want to be able to research where we will live. I want to know where the schools are, the stores, how close a park is, what the houses look like...but I can't do any of that! It is so frustrating. I can't prepare at all!

Anyways...Just wanted to throw a little update out there! Not sure how much I will be able to get on here in the next few months. My time will be spent getting this house all packed up and ready to go! :)

Friday, January 17, 2014

Being a grown up is hard work!

The last few days have been CRAZY! My little family is here in New Jersey visiting with some of Hubby's family. We have also been traveling to maryland for him to take a few police tests. The good news is he passed them all! I am so proud of him! The hard part is now having to decide what we are going to do. Pack up our lives and accept a job on the east coast, or have him reenlist and go another twelve years with him in the military. 

Both decisions have their good and bad points...

Taking the Maryland job:
PROS...
Experiencing another part of the country
Getting out of the military
Hubby getting to be close to his family
G getting to be around his other grandparents more
Experiencing more than one season
Meeting new people
CONS...
Moving away from my family and friends
Having to suffer through a snowy winter season
The uncertainty of what life will be like taking this job
Not making as much money
Potentially having G in daycare so I can work

Reenlisting:
PROS...
A guaranteed paycheck for the next 12 years
Retirement
Benefits like health insurance
CONS...
Deployments 
Not having a say about where we live or how long we live there
Being on military time
Never being able to establish a life somewhere

I'm stressed out. But I can't even come close to imagining how stressed out my husband it. Whatever decision he makes not only affects him, but his wife and kid as well. He carries that weight around with him and I feel terrible. 

I wish this was an easy decision. 

Monday, January 13, 2014

Leavin' on a jet plane!

For a very long time now, Hubby has been trying to get hired with a Police Department out here in California. Things didn't work out right away and he was forced to re-enlist for another 4 years. We had just gotten married and he chose four years of stable income instead of following his career dreams. For that, I am so very grateful! Well, fast forward 4 years, and we are coming to another crossing point. His contract is almost up and he is in line for two police jobs. One here and one in Maryland. Unfortunately, the job here is taking much longer to process than we thought it would and Hubby is literally DAYS away from having to decide if he wants to re-enlist AGAIN! This time, to make a 20 year career out of it.

Needless to say, the stress level in this house has been turned to eleven...

Tomorrow we head to the east coast for him to take a few more tests. It sounds as though the job is his as long as he passes these tests. That's good right?! Well, if any of you know me, you probably just imaged me kicking and screaming while being dragged through the airport. That's not the case though. I do have reservations about leaving and I am seriously terrified of having to pack up my 25 year life in California and head to a new place, but will it really be as bad as I imagine? The fight within me is unreal.

I'm terrified of change! Of course it would be nice to see another part of this country. Experience something new. And who knows...Maybe I will actually love it! It's having an open mind that's killing me. I don't want to go. I don't want to say good bye to my family and friends. I don't want to leave everything I have ever know. I don't want to give up my year round summer or the beautiful beaches. Today I wore a sundress...A FREAKIN SUNDRESS IN JANUARY, PEOPLE! How amazing is that?! And what if I hate it there? What if I am absolutely miserable??

I am really having a hard time with this...I just wish I wasn't made to feel bad about being uncertain. Which is why I am venting here...instead of out loud. Here I can get everything off my chest without interruptions. Without judgement.

Well, these bags aren't going to pack themselves! There's a good chance I'll be back to continue my rant. You're lucky you aren't in my head right now!