There are things in this world that I don't understand.
Like how someone can love one person so much when they know they will never receive the same love back.
I don't ask for a lot. I'm not perfect, I have flaws...a lot of them....Maybe I drink too much. Maybe I shop too much. I don't eat very healthy. And have very little motivation for the gym. I'll never be a supermodel. I will never be a millionaire. I might not ever go to a great college, and I might never see past this small town I've grown up in.
But there's one thing I know, and that is that I have a HUGE heart. I'd give a hundred times over without getting a thing for it. I will always choose someone else's happiness over my own. I will always be the first person to offer my help. I will always wear my heart on my sleeve.
Love should never be conditional. Love everyone and love always.
That person is out there, I'm sure of it. I just need to wait my turn, I guess...
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Today's the day
Today is the day I will be seeing my husband for the first time since he went on deployment 7 months ago...
Terrified is an understatement!
I am just praying that everything goes smoothly, that we get things sorted out, and that whether or not we stay together, I am happy.
Terrified is an understatement!
I am just praying that everything goes smoothly, that we get things sorted out, and that whether or not we stay together, I am happy.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
It's been far too long!
So much has happened in the last few months that I haven't had a single second to myself to get some thoughts out. Well, here I am.
As you know, in July I received an email from my husband telling me that he has lost feelings for me and that he doesn't think he wants to be married. Not a single reason why. He couldn't tell me why he felt this way or what he wanted to come of his decision. I tried for a month to convince him he was just confused, being so far away was messing with his head. I wanted so badly to pretend it never happened. I was willing to completely forget he ever said anything and move on. I tried for a month to get him to agree to work things out, and for a month I was ignored.
This is the scariest and hardest thing that has ever happened to me. There are no words to explain to you just how badly it hurts to have everything you love ripped away from you in an instant. His one rash decision has changed my whole world. He still gets up every morning, goes to work, goes to the gym, has dinner...I, on the other hand, have had to move out of my apartment, get a new job and take over a dozen new responsibilities (while still maintaining the old). I've had to remove my rings and pretend that what he did doesn't bother me anymore, when in all honesty, I am more shattered today than I was the day I received that email. This doesn't get easier.
It doesn't help that the man has since decided that on top of not loving me or wanting to be married, he also doesn't want kids, doesn't want to live in California and doesn't think he will ever change his mind...yippee for me, right? And did I mention that with all of these recent revelations, he wants to work things out?? How can one person be so screwed up?
How does he expect me to forgive him after what he's done? Almost FOUR MONTHS after telling me he wants a divorce, he's changed his mind. He swears he loves me and swears he wants to work things out and I'm just supposed to forget everything he's said and pick up where we left off...Uh, rigghhhttt....Oh, and he'll be home in a matter of weeks. This terrifies me...
As much as this whole situation has screwed me up, I have done a pretty good job of keeping my mind off things. My job is great and I am making a ton of money! I've been going to the gym. I get to hang out with my friends more. I just get to focus on me!
In September I celebrated my 23rd birthday...AHHHH!!! I was able to spend time with the people I love the most and it was simply amazing! Being 23 scares me though. I liked 22...I was married and in love and happy...23 is not as simple. 23 is grown up! I feel like this number is screaming at me, "What are you doing with your life???" Well, that's a good question that I don't have a simple answer for. What AM I doing with my life? For starters, I am going back to school. I refuse to hit 24 without some sort of direction. I want to start doing photography, like I had mentioned in a previous post. I want to take more trips, even if they're only for a day. I don't know where I will be by 24, but I DO know that I will be happy.
I have met a lot of new, wonderful people! Some who have really changed my outlook on things. I am doing more things I normally would have passed up on. I have the best friends in the whole wide world and they love me for who I am, no matter what! Without them, I would not be able to get through this.
Also, I'M GETTING A NEW TATTOO!!!! I have finally decided what I want and where I want it! I needed something that was going to remind me to stay positive. That I can and will get through anything that comes my way...A few more weeks in the gym to make things pretty and that tattoo will be mine! As soon as I get it, I'll post a picture :)
Off to bed for now. I promise not to be away for so long this time!
As you know, in July I received an email from my husband telling me that he has lost feelings for me and that he doesn't think he wants to be married. Not a single reason why. He couldn't tell me why he felt this way or what he wanted to come of his decision. I tried for a month to convince him he was just confused, being so far away was messing with his head. I wanted so badly to pretend it never happened. I was willing to completely forget he ever said anything and move on. I tried for a month to get him to agree to work things out, and for a month I was ignored.
This is the scariest and hardest thing that has ever happened to me. There are no words to explain to you just how badly it hurts to have everything you love ripped away from you in an instant. His one rash decision has changed my whole world. He still gets up every morning, goes to work, goes to the gym, has dinner...I, on the other hand, have had to move out of my apartment, get a new job and take over a dozen new responsibilities (while still maintaining the old). I've had to remove my rings and pretend that what he did doesn't bother me anymore, when in all honesty, I am more shattered today than I was the day I received that email. This doesn't get easier.
It doesn't help that the man has since decided that on top of not loving me or wanting to be married, he also doesn't want kids, doesn't want to live in California and doesn't think he will ever change his mind...yippee for me, right? And did I mention that with all of these recent revelations, he wants to work things out?? How can one person be so screwed up?
How does he expect me to forgive him after what he's done? Almost FOUR MONTHS after telling me he wants a divorce, he's changed his mind. He swears he loves me and swears he wants to work things out and I'm just supposed to forget everything he's said and pick up where we left off...Uh, rigghhhttt....Oh, and he'll be home in a matter of weeks. This terrifies me...
As much as this whole situation has screwed me up, I have done a pretty good job of keeping my mind off things. My job is great and I am making a ton of money! I've been going to the gym. I get to hang out with my friends more. I just get to focus on me!
In September I celebrated my 23rd birthday...AHHHH!!! I was able to spend time with the people I love the most and it was simply amazing! Being 23 scares me though. I liked 22...I was married and in love and happy...23 is not as simple. 23 is grown up! I feel like this number is screaming at me, "What are you doing with your life???" Well, that's a good question that I don't have a simple answer for. What AM I doing with my life? For starters, I am going back to school. I refuse to hit 24 without some sort of direction. I want to start doing photography, like I had mentioned in a previous post. I want to take more trips, even if they're only for a day. I don't know where I will be by 24, but I DO know that I will be happy.
I have met a lot of new, wonderful people! Some who have really changed my outlook on things. I am doing more things I normally would have passed up on. I have the best friends in the whole wide world and they love me for who I am, no matter what! Without them, I would not be able to get through this.
Also, I'M GETTING A NEW TATTOO!!!! I have finally decided what I want and where I want it! I needed something that was going to remind me to stay positive. That I can and will get through anything that comes my way...A few more weeks in the gym to make things pretty and that tattoo will be mine! As soon as I get it, I'll post a picture :)
Off to bed for now. I promise not to be away for so long this time!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Divorce is a 4-letter word
So is HARD
So is WORK
That is exactly what DIVORCE is...HARD effing WORK!
Since when did getting married become the "Cool thing" to do? And since when did it become even cooler to get divorced?!
I thought marriage was supposed to be sacred...Something shared between two people forever and ever. But lately, it seems to be much more of a fad than a lifetime commitment. This makes me sad. I can't think of a single person whose grandparents got divorced...That's because at some point in time, people knew that if they were going to make the decision to get married they better be DAMN SURE it was for real! There was no such thing as divorce. There was strictly time, effort, and unconditional love between two people. They didn't stray when times got tough. They didn't turn their backs during a fight. They stood up for the love they knew they shared. They MADE things work. For better or worse...Until death do them part...
So, when did this change? When did it become okay to just change your mind and be done? Why is it okay for one person to decide the fate of two? What happened to the effort...to the commitment...to the unconditional LOVE??
In exactly 6 days, I will be 23 years old...
23 with no kids, no career and on the verge of getting divorced. I think the big man upstairs got side-tracked and forgot I was still here. People keep telling me that God doesn't put anything before you that He knows you can't handle...This is Bull...
God thought all those people could handle Katrina? He thought everyone would escape from the World Trade Center?
He thought I could handle two deployments in two years? Moving into an apartment all by myself? He thought I could handle a motorcycle accident, a possible relocation, losing my job and the passing of my grandad all within months of each other?
He thinks I can handle a divorce, a birthday, moving out of an apartment and having no place to go all within one month?
In exactly 6 days, I will be 23 years old...and what do I have to show for my time here? Failure...straight across the board!
So is WORK
That is exactly what DIVORCE is...HARD effing WORK!
Since when did getting married become the "Cool thing" to do? And since when did it become even cooler to get divorced?!
I thought marriage was supposed to be sacred...Something shared between two people forever and ever. But lately, it seems to be much more of a fad than a lifetime commitment. This makes me sad. I can't think of a single person whose grandparents got divorced...That's because at some point in time, people knew that if they were going to make the decision to get married they better be DAMN SURE it was for real! There was no such thing as divorce. There was strictly time, effort, and unconditional love between two people. They didn't stray when times got tough. They didn't turn their backs during a fight. They stood up for the love they knew they shared. They MADE things work. For better or worse...Until death do them part...
So, when did this change? When did it become okay to just change your mind and be done? Why is it okay for one person to decide the fate of two? What happened to the effort...to the commitment...to the unconditional LOVE??
In exactly 6 days, I will be 23 years old...
23 with no kids, no career and on the verge of getting divorced. I think the big man upstairs got side-tracked and forgot I was still here. People keep telling me that God doesn't put anything before you that He knows you can't handle...This is Bull...
God thought all those people could handle Katrina? He thought everyone would escape from the World Trade Center?
He thought I could handle two deployments in two years? Moving into an apartment all by myself? He thought I could handle a motorcycle accident, a possible relocation, losing my job and the passing of my grandad all within months of each other?
He thinks I can handle a divorce, a birthday, moving out of an apartment and having no place to go all within one month?
In exactly 6 days, I will be 23 years old...and what do I have to show for my time here? Failure...straight across the board!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
My Angel
You know how they say "When one door closes, God opens a window"?
Well, for some reason, he is slamming all my doors in my face! Playing some sick, cruel joke on me! Not only is He closing my doors, He's dead-bolting the windows shut too! Why is He doing this to me?
I can feel the air escaping, only a few final breaths...I am suffocating...
Then, from out of nowhere, this Angel...This beautiful promise of tomorrow...Through one of these windows, she throws a brick.
Instant fresh air! A few deep breaths...
Attached to this brick is a note:
Dear Ashleigh,
You mustn't give up. You must continue
to find your way. Carve your own path!
You must not let them get the best of
you. Keep your head up high and move
forward with the ever-present faith that
you will survive this. You will...
With all of the strength left in my body, I rise to my feet. Clear my head, and with one fell swoop, bust down that door!
I am starting fresh. New job, new outlook, and the most wonderful friends who have NEVER left my side! I will carve my own path, I will find my way, I WILL SURVIVE!
Well, for some reason, he is slamming all my doors in my face! Playing some sick, cruel joke on me! Not only is He closing my doors, He's dead-bolting the windows shut too! Why is He doing this to me?
I can feel the air escaping, only a few final breaths...I am suffocating...
Then, from out of nowhere, this Angel...This beautiful promise of tomorrow...Through one of these windows, she throws a brick.
Instant fresh air! A few deep breaths...
Attached to this brick is a note:
Dear Ashleigh,
You mustn't give up. You must continue
to find your way. Carve your own path!
You must not let them get the best of
you. Keep your head up high and move
forward with the ever-present faith that
you will survive this. You will...
With all of the strength left in my body, I rise to my feet. Clear my head, and with one fell swoop, bust down that door!
I am starting fresh. New job, new outlook, and the most wonderful friends who have NEVER left my side! I will carve my own path, I will find my way, I WILL SURVIVE!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The Working Girl
Yep, that's me! I have a new job and I couldn't be happier about it! This was exactly what I needed to get my life on the right track!
July was the devil...I'm turning August into the Month of Ashleigh!
Only positives here!
July was the devil...I'm turning August into the Month of Ashleigh!
Only positives here!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
It's simple!
I'M SIMPLE!
I want love.
I want to be happy.
I want to be loud.
I want to laugh.
I want to dance around the house in my underwear.
I want a career.
I want to dye my hair without comments.
I want picnics in the park.
I want date night.
I want a backyard for the puppy to run around.
I want cozy Sunday mornings.
I want days without make-up.
I want to hold hands.
I want to run around on the beach.
I want kids.
I want trust.
I want to sip coffee on the porch.
I want to be loved for the person I am...No ifs, ands, or buts about it!
Is that really too much to ask?
I want love.
I want to be happy.
I want to be loud.
I want to laugh.
I want to dance around the house in my underwear.
I want a career.
I want to dye my hair without comments.
I want picnics in the park.
I want date night.
I want a backyard for the puppy to run around.
I want cozy Sunday mornings.
I want days without make-up.
I want to hold hands.
I want to run around on the beach.
I want kids.
I want trust.
I want to sip coffee on the porch.
I want to be loved for the person I am...No ifs, ands, or buts about it!
Is that really too much to ask?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
As if there wasn't enough on my mind...
August is going to be killer on my social life! Well, whatever sort of social life I was claiming to have...which is not much...
I have made the final decision to move out of our apartment. Even though it will be hazardous to my mental state living back at home, we will be able to save quite a bit of money! Money to pay for the wedding, money to pay off credit cards, money to help pay off Nick's Harley... At this point in my life, it make much more sense to make the decision to move out and save this money, then to stay in the apartment for the sake of me being happy.
It won't be all bad...My dad is hardly ever around due to his job travels, my sister is only around every other week, and my Pup will FINALLY have a back yard to run around in!! Not to mention, no rent, no bills, no nuthin'...This is definitely the best decision for us right now.
That being said, our lease ends August 31st. I start school August 15th. So, in one month, I need to get a storage shed, start school, pack up an entire apartment, move, and unpack...Oh boy!
This would be so much easier if I had Nick here to help me. Maybe I can persuade a few man-types with some pizza and beer!
I will also need to cancel all of our extras...cable, internet, electric...
If you don't hear from me, send a rescue crew!
***
On another note, I am going on vacation next week! Just me and the fam...Sun, lake, boat, food...
I cannot wait to take a break from these stresses! The only part that makes me sad is that we can't bring my Jaxson. He will be going to stay with Grandma...So sad!
I have made the final decision to move out of our apartment. Even though it will be hazardous to my mental state living back at home, we will be able to save quite a bit of money! Money to pay for the wedding, money to pay off credit cards, money to help pay off Nick's Harley... At this point in my life, it make much more sense to make the decision to move out and save this money, then to stay in the apartment for the sake of me being happy.
It won't be all bad...My dad is hardly ever around due to his job travels, my sister is only around every other week, and my Pup will FINALLY have a back yard to run around in!! Not to mention, no rent, no bills, no nuthin'...This is definitely the best decision for us right now.
That being said, our lease ends August 31st. I start school August 15th. So, in one month, I need to get a storage shed, start school, pack up an entire apartment, move, and unpack...Oh boy!
This would be so much easier if I had Nick here to help me. Maybe I can persuade a few man-types with some pizza and beer!
I will also need to cancel all of our extras...cable, internet, electric...
If you don't hear from me, send a rescue crew!
***
On another note, I am going on vacation next week! Just me and the fam...Sun, lake, boat, food...
I cannot wait to take a break from these stresses! The only part that makes me sad is that we can't bring my Jaxson. He will be going to stay with Grandma...So sad!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Fall Semester
I am a college student...again.
It feels good to say that. I miss being in school. I miss learning and homework. I know I say that now...just wait until the semester actually starts and I want to die!
Unfortunately this semester isn't going to be much fun. There was a mix up in my file and I never received a registration date. School starts August 15th and I just got to pick my classes TODAY!
English, Health Science, Political Science and waitlisted for Music....
Well, as you may have guessed, everything has been picked over and only scraps remain. I wasn't able to get a math class...The one class that I actually WANTED! grr
And I will have to take a class on line. Possibly two, if they accept me from the waitlist. Cross your fingers for me!
The only real bummer is that I have to take Political Science online. I HATE history...failed it almost every year in high school. I don't like it, I don't get it, I don't enjoy having to listen to a boring professor talk about a boring subject...So having to take this class online is going to be a real struggle for me. It is hard enough to understand when I am actually sitting in class with a teacher, being online I am going to have to practically teach myself. EEK!
I am praying this semester isn't a total drag...I just need to make it through these next few months and Spring Semester should be much nicer to me!
It feels good to say that. I miss being in school. I miss learning and homework. I know I say that now...just wait until the semester actually starts and I want to die!
Unfortunately this semester isn't going to be much fun. There was a mix up in my file and I never received a registration date. School starts August 15th and I just got to pick my classes TODAY!
English, Health Science, Political Science and waitlisted for Music....
Well, as you may have guessed, everything has been picked over and only scraps remain. I wasn't able to get a math class...The one class that I actually WANTED! grr
And I will have to take a class on line. Possibly two, if they accept me from the waitlist. Cross your fingers for me!
The only real bummer is that I have to take Political Science online. I HATE history...failed it almost every year in high school. I don't like it, I don't get it, I don't enjoy having to listen to a boring professor talk about a boring subject...So having to take this class online is going to be a real struggle for me. It is hard enough to understand when I am actually sitting in class with a teacher, being online I am going to have to practically teach myself. EEK!
I am praying this semester isn't a total drag...I just need to make it through these next few months and Spring Semester should be much nicer to me!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
4th of July Weekend
I've started this painfully hot beautiful weekend with a cup of coffee and some home made strawberry pancakes! Little things like this make all the difference in my life. It puts me in such a better mood to start my day.
I have had a great few days lately, and things with the Mister are definitely looking up!
Me and Jaxson are headed to my dad's for a BBQ and some cocktails. I'm just so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life who love me and care about me!
See you in a few days <3
I have had a great few days lately, and things with the Mister are definitely looking up!
Me and Jaxson are headed to my dad's for a BBQ and some cocktails. I'm just so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life who love me and care about me!
See you in a few days <3
Thursday, June 30, 2011
If I were a car, I would be a convertible mustang!
So, as many of you know, I have fallen on some hard times with the Mister. It started with him buying the cigars, but then somehow just snowballed into a World War! This has been a horrible fight and has brought up some really deep feelings between us. Maybe we needed this...Maybe this was the only way to finally get through to each other...
***
Last deployment I begged my husband for a hand written letter. I didn't want flowers, I didn't want candy, I didn't want jewelry and our emails and phone calls had become SO boring! Basic "How are you"s....Not very romantic or heartfelt! Well, months go by and still no letter...It took us getting into a fight before he actually sent one (The very last month he was gone!). Guys don't really realize what the small stuff means to us girls. Getting a letter in the mail is like wining the lottery!!! We just want to know, in your own words, in your own writing how much you really love us. Tell us we're beautiful...Most times it takes us breaking down and losing our minds before you guys understand just how important all that is.
***
Last deployment I begged my husband for a hand written letter. I didn't want flowers, I didn't want candy, I didn't want jewelry and our emails and phone calls had become SO boring! Basic "How are you"s....Not very romantic or heartfelt! Well, months go by and still no letter...It took us getting into a fight before he actually sent one (The very last month he was gone!). Guys don't really realize what the small stuff means to us girls. Getting a letter in the mail is like wining the lottery!!! We just want to know, in your own words, in your own writing how much you really love us. Tell us we're beautiful...Most times it takes us breaking down and losing our minds before you guys understand just how important all that is.
I came across this blog entry and wanted to share it with you...
“I am running on fumes, here, fellah,” I snapped into the phone. “I’m getting nothing from you. Why do you think I can go and go and always come last in your life???”
Yeah, I confess that I went off on poor Brad last night. Note the drama of the words “nothing” and “always” and “last”—as if the existence of a Fig Newton was more important to Brad than me.
I know it is not. It is just that at that moment, the demands of the Navy were too much. That happens once in a while. Thus the whack phone call.
Luckily for me, Brad is an old husband. He called back later with a good answer that I wanted to share with you. Brad said, “I do take you for granted. You go along so well, you do so many things, that I forget that you need something too. I just forget.”
He sounded like every other military husband I know. And he is right. I pride myself on being his able partner in the business of life. When the military makes demands on us, I want our family to be strong enough to step up. Yet, I still need stuff from Brad. I know me. I’m one of those people who needs words, lots of words. Words of encouragement. Words of praise. Words to share a life. Brad knows that already. He gets caught up in the frantic urgency of the military. He forgets the needs of home. He takes the spin and drive of us for granted. So how does a guy remember the important needs of home if they aren’t on fire or screeching on the phone?
When we talked about it later, Brad reminded me about what I had said about running on fumes. “Your tank was empty,” he said. “I need to fill that regularly. Like the car.”
I thought that was a perfect analogy. Because in the military, a marriage is a lot like a car. You get it and it is nice and shiny and new. You feel like you got a bargain. It is everything you want. If you are lucky, it is the only car you will ever need. You’ll make it to the Million Mile Club as long as you change the oil. Wax the paint. Check the tires. Fill the tank regularly.
So today Brad and I have been going back and forth thinking of ways to hook this car idea to stuff he already does automatically. I said he ought to write my name on his gas gauge with a Sharpie. He said that with his schedule he ought to attach pictures of all the spouses onto the fuel lines the sailors use to fill up the ship. I laughed as I pictured that–long lines of loving faces, stretching out between ships, fueling all of our intentions.
I mean, comparing a wife to a car? Crazy!
But is it really?? Men are like children. They need to have things broken down for them in the simplest of ways. I would rather be compared to a car than be put second to one...in my case it's the Harley. Or Harvey, as we have named him....
***
On a lighter note, I think things with me and the Mister are finally cooling down. I was able to voice my opinion without him getting mad and he was able to voice his. I'm hoping over the next few days you will see much less complaining coming from this here blog!
Until next time, my friends! I am headed to the pool! <3
Monday, June 20, 2011
3...2...1...VENT!
Boys suck!
Men are Boys...
So therefore, Men SUCK!
I'm having a bad day...My husband, who quit smoking for me 3 years ago has decided that it is his right to be able to spend $100 on cigars. I couldn't care less about the money. He makes it, so yes, he has every right to spend it! I DO CARE about him smoking! Even if it is just a cigar...one thing leads to another...Well, you know how it goes...
When confronting him about it, I got yelled at.
How DARE I take away the only joys he has in life??
How DARE I be so selfish?!
How DARE I try and tell him what he can and cannot do?!
Well, I am his wife! The day he said "I do" gave me the RIGHT to have an opinion about his actions! The day he said "I do" should have been the day he actually CARED about what I had to say!!!
So who is the selfish one? The person who is concerned about the other person's health?? Or the person who is choosing to smoke even though he knows his wife doesn't approve????
That's what I thought....
I swear it will take him getting cancer before he even thinks twice about the decisions he is making. He has the mentality that "Whatever doesn't kill him makes him stronger". Well, that may have worked when he was livin' the single life, but that doesn't fly when you're married! There should be other priorities in your life, like oh, LIVING! Not acting like a dumb shit! Actually understanding that if you eff up and you die, it actually affects someone else!! It leaves your wife...a widow....
THIS is not okay...I AM NOT OKAY! But I guess it doesn't matter what I think...
Men are Boys...
So therefore, Men SUCK!
I'm having a bad day...My husband, who quit smoking for me 3 years ago has decided that it is his right to be able to spend $100 on cigars. I couldn't care less about the money. He makes it, so yes, he has every right to spend it! I DO CARE about him smoking! Even if it is just a cigar...one thing leads to another...Well, you know how it goes...
When confronting him about it, I got yelled at.
How DARE I take away the only joys he has in life??
How DARE I be so selfish?!
How DARE I try and tell him what he can and cannot do?!
Well, I am his wife! The day he said "I do" gave me the RIGHT to have an opinion about his actions! The day he said "I do" should have been the day he actually CARED about what I had to say!!!
So who is the selfish one? The person who is concerned about the other person's health?? Or the person who is choosing to smoke even though he knows his wife doesn't approve????
That's what I thought....
I swear it will take him getting cancer before he even thinks twice about the decisions he is making. He has the mentality that "Whatever doesn't kill him makes him stronger". Well, that may have worked when he was livin' the single life, but that doesn't fly when you're married! There should be other priorities in your life, like oh, LIVING! Not acting like a dumb shit! Actually understanding that if you eff up and you die, it actually affects someone else!! It leaves your wife...a widow....
THIS is not okay...I AM NOT OKAY! But I guess it doesn't matter what I think...
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Did you miss me?
It has been way too long. I guess on my GIANT list of "To-Dos", blogging wasn't top priority...
Here's what's been going down!
I finally set a date for our wedding!!! On May 25, 2012, I will be married (again) to the most wonderful man in the world! I put down the deposit, now I just have to wait for them to schedule me an appointment to pick out the cake, food, flowers, music, etc! I am so lucky that this place takes care of almost everything for me. I don't know what I would do if I was left to handle it all on my own! Taking care of the invitations is proving to be a tough enough job as it is....
I spent some time with my pops for his birthday...My sister and I took him to breakfast and then we went to his GFs for a little BBQ and some ice cream cake. No, I did not get him his own Costco cake. Yes, I am a terrible daughter. Yes, he did make a fuss. Yes, he WILL be getting one for Father's Day! A huge one all to himself, tons of obnoxious colors, extra frosting, and writing that says "Happy Birthday/ Father's Day for the rest of your life!!!" teehee
I've gone to the beach twice so far this summer!! Unfortunately, the weather hasn't been all that great lately =( The first trip was just with my friend and her kids...trying to get them out of the house and busy so they stop driving her nuts!! The second trip was a family day for all of the wives. I had never really spent time with any of them, or really even knew who most of them were, so this was a nice way to meet some new people and swap stories. All of our husbands are on the same deployment, so we knew we all had at least one thing in common! While we were there, the FRO had set up a video camera and we were all allowed to say a short little message to send to the guys! It sounds silly, but I was SO nervous! I didn't know what to say to him...I'm sure I was all fidgety and awkward, but at least Nick will be able to identify me! haha
I started at the gym again, for real this time!! I am not allowed to go summer clothes or wedding dress shopping until I am happy with my weight! It is crunch time, folks! I am determined to get down to the weight I was when I met Nick...Scary as it sounds, that's like 40lbs!!! Diet and exercise hard core from here on out. Yesterday was my first day, and I actually felt great!! I feel like it actually gives me something to do during the day...I have an hour to myself where I don't have to think about anything! It is just me and the treadmill...
Well, friends, it is time for me to go. I promise not to be away this long again ;)
Hope everyone is having a wonderful week!!!
<3
Here's what's been going down!
I finally set a date for our wedding!!! On May 25, 2012, I will be married (again) to the most wonderful man in the world! I put down the deposit, now I just have to wait for them to schedule me an appointment to pick out the cake, food, flowers, music, etc! I am so lucky that this place takes care of almost everything for me. I don't know what I would do if I was left to handle it all on my own! Taking care of the invitations is proving to be a tough enough job as it is....
I spent some time with my pops for his birthday...My sister and I took him to breakfast and then we went to his GFs for a little BBQ and some ice cream cake. No, I did not get him his own Costco cake. Yes, I am a terrible daughter. Yes, he did make a fuss. Yes, he WILL be getting one for Father's Day! A huge one all to himself, tons of obnoxious colors, extra frosting, and writing that says "Happy Birthday/ Father's Day for the rest of your life!!!" teehee
I've gone to the beach twice so far this summer!! Unfortunately, the weather hasn't been all that great lately =( The first trip was just with my friend and her kids...trying to get them out of the house and busy so they stop driving her nuts!! The second trip was a family day for all of the wives. I had never really spent time with any of them, or really even knew who most of them were, so this was a nice way to meet some new people and swap stories. All of our husbands are on the same deployment, so we knew we all had at least one thing in common! While we were there, the FRO had set up a video camera and we were all allowed to say a short little message to send to the guys! It sounds silly, but I was SO nervous! I didn't know what to say to him...I'm sure I was all fidgety and awkward, but at least Nick will be able to identify me! haha
I started at the gym again, for real this time!! I am not allowed to go summer clothes or wedding dress shopping until I am happy with my weight! It is crunch time, folks! I am determined to get down to the weight I was when I met Nick...Scary as it sounds, that's like 40lbs!!! Diet and exercise hard core from here on out. Yesterday was my first day, and I actually felt great!! I feel like it actually gives me something to do during the day...I have an hour to myself where I don't have to think about anything! It is just me and the treadmill...
Well, friends, it is time for me to go. I promise not to be away this long again ;)
Hope everyone is having a wonderful week!!!
<3
Monday, May 30, 2011
Quit telling me you "Understand"
YOU DON'T!
I am sick and tired of people telling me that they "understand what I am going through". You don't, and never will, unless you get the unfortunate opportunity to live this life. Quit pitying me, quit telling me it will be okay, quit feeling sorry for me! You aren't helping. Not even a little bit.
I don't want to hear that I knew what I was getting myself in to. I know.
I don't want to be told to stop crying about it. When your husband leaves you for 7 months, you're allowed to cry!
I am tired of being invited places because "I should really get out of the house". Invite me because you want me to be there!
This weekend was the hardest yet. Memorial Day weekend...
Every news story is military, every Facebook post is military, everyone being all mushy gushy over their Marine. And what am I doing? Sitting in my bed wanting to die. Everything hurts. Especially my heart. You will never understand what it feels like to go to bed alone every night, you will never understand what it feels like to wake up alone every morning, you will never understand the sadness that overwhelms your every move because the person you love more than anything in the world is farther from you than you could ever imagine...My heart is broken and there isn't enough duct tape in the world to mend the pieces.
I hate this, and NO, you don't understand!
I am sick and tired of people telling me that they "understand what I am going through". You don't, and never will, unless you get the unfortunate opportunity to live this life. Quit pitying me, quit telling me it will be okay, quit feeling sorry for me! You aren't helping. Not even a little bit.
I don't want to hear that I knew what I was getting myself in to. I know.
I don't want to be told to stop crying about it. When your husband leaves you for 7 months, you're allowed to cry!
I am tired of being invited places because "I should really get out of the house". Invite me because you want me to be there!
This weekend was the hardest yet. Memorial Day weekend...
Every news story is military, every Facebook post is military, everyone being all mushy gushy over their Marine. And what am I doing? Sitting in my bed wanting to die. Everything hurts. Especially my heart. You will never understand what it feels like to go to bed alone every night, you will never understand what it feels like to wake up alone every morning, you will never understand the sadness that overwhelms your every move because the person you love more than anything in the world is farther from you than you could ever imagine...My heart is broken and there isn't enough duct tape in the world to mend the pieces.
I hate this, and NO, you don't understand!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Life, Love and Books!
My husband is gone....
I keep telling myself this, but even after a few weeks with him being gone, it still doesn't feel real. I feel like one of these days I am going to wake up and he is going to be laying there right next to me. The last deployment was waayyy worse than this. I knew he was gone the day I dropped him off. I hated life and every day seemed to creep by. I didn't think I would survive those 7 months. This is different...Maybe because I know what to expect. "Been there, Done that!"
I feel like I actually know what I'm doing! I don't stay in bed and cry, I get up and go about my day. I understand that life goes on. I know that tomorrow will be a new day. A new day to be me!
I've gotten quite a bit done since he's been gone. Bills get paid, the apartment gets cleaned, dinner gets made....I've registered for school and applied to a few places for a part time job. (One of which is almost 100% certain!)
I have also made some progress on our wedding!! We had to change the date due to some weather concerns but I found the place we are going to have it! The next step is putting our deposit down and holding a date! I have never been so happy....I just want him to be home so we can have this wedding. Things are moving along. Life is good!
I love my husband more than life itself. He is my hero, my life, my love <3
I can't wait to have him back!
The other day I spent a huge chunk of my day getting the apartment spotless! I opened up a box and what do I find???
BOOOOKKKSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
So many that I haven't read yet! There is nothing greater than curling up on the couch to a good read!
Here are a few that I found:
If you need me, I'll be wrapped in a blanket, holding a glass of wine and nose deep in one of these treasures!! <3
I keep telling myself this, but even after a few weeks with him being gone, it still doesn't feel real. I feel like one of these days I am going to wake up and he is going to be laying there right next to me. The last deployment was waayyy worse than this. I knew he was gone the day I dropped him off. I hated life and every day seemed to creep by. I didn't think I would survive those 7 months. This is different...Maybe because I know what to expect. "Been there, Done that!"
I feel like I actually know what I'm doing! I don't stay in bed and cry, I get up and go about my day. I understand that life goes on. I know that tomorrow will be a new day. A new day to be me!
I've gotten quite a bit done since he's been gone. Bills get paid, the apartment gets cleaned, dinner gets made....I've registered for school and applied to a few places for a part time job. (One of which is almost 100% certain!)
I have also made some progress on our wedding!! We had to change the date due to some weather concerns but I found the place we are going to have it! The next step is putting our deposit down and holding a date! I have never been so happy....I just want him to be home so we can have this wedding. Things are moving along. Life is good!
I love my husband more than life itself. He is my hero, my life, my love <3
I can't wait to have him back!
****
The other day I spent a huge chunk of my day getting the apartment spotless! I opened up a box and what do I find???
BOOOOKKKSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
So many that I haven't read yet! There is nothing greater than curling up on the couch to a good read!
Here are a few that I found:
If you need me, I'll be wrapped in a blanket, holding a glass of wine and nose deep in one of these treasures!! <3
Sunday, May 15, 2011
It's a good day!
I feel so accomplished!!
It hasn't been long since the Mister left, and each day is hard in it's own way. Going to bed by yourself, waking up alone...Your whole life has to be re-adjusted!
I went grocery shopping the other day, and boy was that difficult!! Cooking for one, means shopping for one! How do you make a meal for one person? I have never had to do this before. Even while he was on this last deployment, I wasn't alone. Let's just say my first attempt at dinner for one, was a bust. I ended up having sooooo much left over! I will be eating tacos for another week!
I have started getting myself into a nice routine. Applied for a job, meeting with a school counselor this week...Things are looking up!
I was even able to lower our cable bill by about HALF! I am so proud of myself. Taking charge...saving money...
Oh, the life of a Marine Wife!
Missing that man so very much...<3
It hasn't been long since the Mister left, and each day is hard in it's own way. Going to bed by yourself, waking up alone...Your whole life has to be re-adjusted!
I went grocery shopping the other day, and boy was that difficult!! Cooking for one, means shopping for one! How do you make a meal for one person? I have never had to do this before. Even while he was on this last deployment, I wasn't alone. Let's just say my first attempt at dinner for one, was a bust. I ended up having sooooo much left over! I will be eating tacos for another week!
I have started getting myself into a nice routine. Applied for a job, meeting with a school counselor this week...Things are looking up!
I was even able to lower our cable bill by about HALF! I am so proud of myself. Taking charge...saving money...
Oh, the life of a Marine Wife!
Missing that man so very much...<3
Monday, May 9, 2011
Stress- 1...Ashleigh- 0
Where is my husband when I need him?!
Oh yea....A whole different COUNTRY!!! Ughhhghghghg
As if a deployment isn't stressful enough, I feel like everything is falling apart. I have had horrible issues with my phone for a week now and stupid T-mobile doesn't even seem to care! Apparently they don't care that I have been a loyal customer since I was 16! Apparently they don't care that their product is a piece of crap! Apparently they don't care that because of them, their crappy phone, and their crappy service...I CAN'T TALK TO MY HUSBAND!!
Bitches...
To top it off, I am worried about this damn doctor appointment tomorrow...Please cross your fingers that everything comes back okay...
You win this time, Stress....But I will be back for round two, just you wait!
Oh yea....A whole different COUNTRY!!! Ughhhghghghg
As if a deployment isn't stressful enough, I feel like everything is falling apart. I have had horrible issues with my phone for a week now and stupid T-mobile doesn't even seem to care! Apparently they don't care that I have been a loyal customer since I was 16! Apparently they don't care that their product is a piece of crap! Apparently they don't care that because of them, their crappy phone, and their crappy service...I CAN'T TALK TO MY HUSBAND!!
Bitches...
To top it off, I am worried about this damn doctor appointment tomorrow...Please cross your fingers that everything comes back okay...
You win this time, Stress....But I will be back for round two, just you wait!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Just the sound of his voice
makes everything better!
I have been having some serious phone issues this week which stopped me from being able to receive incoming calls and emails...When your husband is deployed, this is extremely important!! I was afraid to leave the house in case he emailed me.
I got a couple emails from him while he was at the airport during a layover. It is nice just to be able to hear from him...Know that he's thinking of us just as much as we are thinking of him!
But last night was even better!! I had emailed him to tell him I finally got my phone fixed and at midnight last night, I got the call!!
Just getting to hear his voice was the greatest gift I could get! Granted, I was only half awake during the whole conversation...I am just so happy knowing he is safe. So happy that I could talk to him!
I love my husband more than anything in the world. These last few days have been HORRIBLE!! Missing him, sleeping alone, cooking for nobody...It is so hard...
I can't wait to hear from him again...HOPEFULLY SOON!!
Love you to the moon hunny! <3
I have been having some serious phone issues this week which stopped me from being able to receive incoming calls and emails...When your husband is deployed, this is extremely important!! I was afraid to leave the house in case he emailed me.
I got a couple emails from him while he was at the airport during a layover. It is nice just to be able to hear from him...Know that he's thinking of us just as much as we are thinking of him!
But last night was even better!! I had emailed him to tell him I finally got my phone fixed and at midnight last night, I got the call!!
Just getting to hear his voice was the greatest gift I could get! Granted, I was only half awake during the whole conversation...I am just so happy knowing he is safe. So happy that I could talk to him!
I love my husband more than anything in the world. These last few days have been HORRIBLE!! Missing him, sleeping alone, cooking for nobody...It is so hard...
I can't wait to hear from him again...HOPEFULLY SOON!!
Love you to the moon hunny! <3
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Damn you radio!!!
Have you ever had one of those days where something happens to you and you see signs of it everywhere?
For example...
You buy a new car and the next day you see 20 of the same one driving around...
You find out your pregnant and EVERYONE you pass has a baby...
You're planning a wedding and every movie on TV has something to do with a wedding...
And you think, coincidence??? Would I have noticed this on any other day???
Well, this happened to me last night...NOT in a good way!
On my way home last night, EVERY SONG was about saying good-bye to a loved one. I just balled the whole drive. It didn't matter what station I was on, what type of music was playing, every time I switched stations another sad song was playing. I pretty much wanted to die!
But here's the kicker...it you have a heavy heart you may not want to push play...
Somebody up there HATES ME!!!
This is possibly the WORST song I have ever heard!!! Why he would want to sing something like this is beyond me. I just couldn't stop crying...I still can't stop crying.
Today is not better than yesterday. I don't have high hopes for tomorrow either...
For example...
You buy a new car and the next day you see 20 of the same one driving around...
You find out your pregnant and EVERYONE you pass has a baby...
You're planning a wedding and every movie on TV has something to do with a wedding...
And you think, coincidence??? Would I have noticed this on any other day???
Well, this happened to me last night...NOT in a good way!
On my way home last night, EVERY SONG was about saying good-bye to a loved one. I just balled the whole drive. It didn't matter what station I was on, what type of music was playing, every time I switched stations another sad song was playing. I pretty much wanted to die!
But here's the kicker...it you have a heavy heart you may not want to push play...
Somebody up there HATES ME!!!
This is possibly the WORST song I have ever heard!!! Why he would want to sing something like this is beyond me. I just couldn't stop crying...I still can't stop crying.
Today is not better than yesterday. I don't have high hopes for tomorrow either...
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
You don't know
You don't know, but I'm the girl who cries every night, and hopes every morning for his safe return.
I'm the girl who drags herself out of bed every morning so that he will be proud of her when he comes home.
I'm the girl who lies in bed longing for him to be lying next to me.
You don't know, but I'm the girl with a million things to say, but not one will come out without the thought of him.
I'm the girl who stops and stares and wishes for him to return soon each and every time another man in uniform walks by.
What you don't know is that I know love on an entirely different level from most.
I know the love that spans time and space; that love that most people are constantly searching for.
I'm one of the girls who waits months for a single kiss; a kiss that will make the months apart worth every second.
A kiss where everything in the world stops and for what seems like eternity, you can see into that person's soul and know that without them, life is not worth living.
You tell me I don't even understand what love is, I tell you, I know more love in one homecoming, than most know in a life time.
You don't know that every time he leaves, part of me goes with him and part of him stays with me.
You tell me that people change and I tell you, true love will always remain constant and steady.
You tell me you know how I feel and that you understand what I'm going through; you have no idea.
What you don't realize is that I understand the true meaning of not only love, but of longing and anticipation.
You don't see, but I'm one of the few who gets goose bumps as my heart fills with pride every time the National Anthem is played.
I'm one of the girls who will stand tall and stay strong on the outside, but be dying on the inside.
I am one of those girls who will make friends with complete strangers for only they can even begin to understand what I am going through.
You don't understand that I picture his face everywhere I go and that he is with me in everything I do.
You think I don't cry anymore, that I have gotten over it, but what you don't know is that I just hide it better.
You don't know the feeling the first time you hear the word deployment or the feeling of his hands as it slides out of yours for what could be the last time.
You don't know what that last hug or kiss means and how important that goodbye truly is.
I'm the girl you see walking by with a disheartened face staring silently at the ground.
What you don't know is, that I know true love and that no matter what obstacles we have to face, our love will live forever, that only we know.
You tell me that you support the troops; I tell you, I'm in love with one.
I'm one of the silent, but outgoing; weak, but strong; scared, but grateful.
What you don't see is that without me, he is nothing and without him, I am nothing.
I'm one of those girls; the girl who stands tall behind her Marine, stands proud behind her Hero, stands strong behind her man, watching silently as he serves and defends our country.
***
I did not write this, however, it is everything that I am! This entry defines me better than I could have done myself.
I don't like today...We had to drop off all of Nick's luggage. This is real...it is not a joke...it is going to happen whether I am ready or not.
A few deep breaths today...a lot of tears tomorrow...
I'm the girl who drags herself out of bed every morning so that he will be proud of her when he comes home.
I'm the girl who lies in bed longing for him to be lying next to me.
You don't know, but I'm the girl with a million things to say, but not one will come out without the thought of him.
I'm the girl who stops and stares and wishes for him to return soon each and every time another man in uniform walks by.
What you don't know is that I know love on an entirely different level from most.
I know the love that spans time and space; that love that most people are constantly searching for.
I'm one of the girls who waits months for a single kiss; a kiss that will make the months apart worth every second.
A kiss where everything in the world stops and for what seems like eternity, you can see into that person's soul and know that without them, life is not worth living.
You tell me I don't even understand what love is, I tell you, I know more love in one homecoming, than most know in a life time.
You don't know that every time he leaves, part of me goes with him and part of him stays with me.
You tell me that people change and I tell you, true love will always remain constant and steady.
You tell me you know how I feel and that you understand what I'm going through; you have no idea.
What you don't realize is that I understand the true meaning of not only love, but of longing and anticipation.
You don't see, but I'm one of the few who gets goose bumps as my heart fills with pride every time the National Anthem is played.
I'm one of the girls who will stand tall and stay strong on the outside, but be dying on the inside.
I am one of those girls who will make friends with complete strangers for only they can even begin to understand what I am going through.
You don't understand that I picture his face everywhere I go and that he is with me in everything I do.
You think I don't cry anymore, that I have gotten over it, but what you don't know is that I just hide it better.
You don't know the feeling the first time you hear the word deployment or the feeling of his hands as it slides out of yours for what could be the last time.
You don't know what that last hug or kiss means and how important that goodbye truly is.
I'm the girl you see walking by with a disheartened face staring silently at the ground.
What you don't know is, that I know true love and that no matter what obstacles we have to face, our love will live forever, that only we know.
You tell me that you support the troops; I tell you, I'm in love with one.
I'm one of the silent, but outgoing; weak, but strong; scared, but grateful.
What you don't see is that without me, he is nothing and without him, I am nothing.
I'm one of those girls; the girl who stands tall behind her Marine, stands proud behind her Hero, stands strong behind her man, watching silently as he serves and defends our country.
***
I did not write this, however, it is everything that I am! This entry defines me better than I could have done myself.
I don't like today...We had to drop off all of Nick's luggage. This is real...it is not a joke...it is going to happen whether I am ready or not.
A few deep breaths today...a lot of tears tomorrow...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
It's the final count-down!!
Well, we know the day...The DREADED departure day...
It hit me like a ton of bricks! I am SOOOO not ready for this! Not matter what I say or do, this will not be easy. It will not be easy going to bed by myself. It will not be easy waking up by myself every morning. Who am I kidding? It will not be easy to wake up PERIOD!
These last few days are bitter sweet...We are trying our hardest to stay positive for each other and make the most out of the time we have left, but it is hard knowing what's coming.
I find myself asking these silly little questions: Did I look at him enough today? Did we get in as many kisses as possible? Did I tell him how much I love him? Did we share enough smiles?
All of these things need to last me 7 months!! Did I get enough? NO! Of course I didn't!! There will never be enough and this hurt will not go away...
I hate this...
It hit me like a ton of bricks! I am SOOOO not ready for this! Not matter what I say or do, this will not be easy. It will not be easy going to bed by myself. It will not be easy waking up by myself every morning. Who am I kidding? It will not be easy to wake up PERIOD!
These last few days are bitter sweet...We are trying our hardest to stay positive for each other and make the most out of the time we have left, but it is hard knowing what's coming.
I find myself asking these silly little questions: Did I look at him enough today? Did we get in as many kisses as possible? Did I tell him how much I love him? Did we share enough smiles?
All of these things need to last me 7 months!! Did I get enough? NO! Of course I didn't!! There will never be enough and this hurt will not go away...
I hate this...
Friday, April 29, 2011
My plate
My plate is a weird thing. Sometimes it's overflowing, sometimes it's empty! Why can't there be a happy medium?
So, today I have decided to take control of my plate. Nick leaves soon...VERY SOON...and I need things to occupy my time. I have some things that are very overwhelming like school and planning this wedding, and some things that I want to do to relieve some of this pressure. I feel that if I can even out the weight of my plate, everything will go much more smoothly during this deployment! So here is what I'm thinking...
PHOTOGRAPHY!
I take hundreds of pictures of anything and everything! I just can't seem to get enough...I love to see people's reactions when they see the pictures. I love capturing special moments. I love having these moments of my life, and other's, documented for life! Being able to look back at all of the wonderful times!
In order to do this, I need to sort some things out. Right now, this wedding is taking up the most room in my brain! There is just so much to do and I STILL don't have anywhere to even have the wedding...I know as soon as I am able to book a venue, everything else will fall into place.
Next in line is getting a job. Working during this deployment is a MUST! I need something that is going to force me out of my bed everyday! I just need to figure out if I want something full time or part time...and what I actually want to do...This isn't going to be permanent, so I'm thinking another serving position might suit me. I'll be able to have a say in the days and times I want to work...
School is last on my list. Not priority-wise, of course, but in the sense that it is the only thing that is actually taken care of. The only think I need to do is register for classes...which I can't do until they give me a date to do so! I have a full schedule planned but this is where I am thinking the photography will fit in nicely. If I can work in a photo-class somewhere in between and still hold everything together, I would be one seriously happy camper!
I just don't know where to start...What camera do I buy? What editing program do I need? What should I start taking pictures of?
Google, here I come!
On a happy side-note: We got our pictures back finally!!! I am not totally happy with them, but I just keep reminding myself that it was free. Nick and I are just trying to decide which ones we actually want to purchase for ourselves. We really want to start hanging things on our walls...you know, like we actually live here!!...I think these pictures will be a nice starter <3
So, today I have decided to take control of my plate. Nick leaves soon...VERY SOON...and I need things to occupy my time. I have some things that are very overwhelming like school and planning this wedding, and some things that I want to do to relieve some of this pressure. I feel that if I can even out the weight of my plate, everything will go much more smoothly during this deployment! So here is what I'm thinking...
PHOTOGRAPHY!
I take hundreds of pictures of anything and everything! I just can't seem to get enough...I love to see people's reactions when they see the pictures. I love capturing special moments. I love having these moments of my life, and other's, documented for life! Being able to look back at all of the wonderful times!
In order to do this, I need to sort some things out. Right now, this wedding is taking up the most room in my brain! There is just so much to do and I STILL don't have anywhere to even have the wedding...I know as soon as I am able to book a venue, everything else will fall into place.
Next in line is getting a job. Working during this deployment is a MUST! I need something that is going to force me out of my bed everyday! I just need to figure out if I want something full time or part time...and what I actually want to do...This isn't going to be permanent, so I'm thinking another serving position might suit me. I'll be able to have a say in the days and times I want to work...
School is last on my list. Not priority-wise, of course, but in the sense that it is the only thing that is actually taken care of. The only think I need to do is register for classes...which I can't do until they give me a date to do so! I have a full schedule planned but this is where I am thinking the photography will fit in nicely. If I can work in a photo-class somewhere in between and still hold everything together, I would be one seriously happy camper!
I just don't know where to start...What camera do I buy? What editing program do I need? What should I start taking pictures of?
Google, here I come!
On a happy side-note: We got our pictures back finally!!! I am not totally happy with them, but I just keep reminding myself that it was free. Nick and I are just trying to decide which ones we actually want to purchase for ourselves. We really want to start hanging things on our walls...you know, like we actually live here!!...I think these pictures will be a nice starter <3
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Chicken Soup Part 2
Can't Let Go
I had said good-bye to my husband, Joe, so often, but this time was different.
We now had our first child. After nights of soul-searching and what-ifs, we made the difficult decision that Joe would go by himself to Alabama for the six-month training course, and I would stay behind with our new son. It was important that I hold on to my teaching position near our home at Fort Hood, plus we were part of a strong network of friends whom I could count on to see me through the rough spots.
On Joe's last evening home- always a melancholy time- I bathed little Joey, got him into his sleeper and was heading to the bedroom when Joe gently touched me on the shoulder. Lifting the baby from my arms, he said he wanted to tuck Joey in tonight.
They headed down the hall, and I busied myself with meaningless tasks, expecting Joe to emerge from the bedroom within a few minutes. A half hour went by, and still he had not come back. Figuring he was having trouble getting our son to fall asleep, I tiptoed to the baby's room and peeked into the dimly lit room.
Sitting in the rocking chair, moving slowly back and forth, was my husband, stifling quiet sobs. He was holding our sleeping infant in his arms as though he would never let go.
I whispered, "Honey, what can I do?"
His pained eyes met mine, and after a moment he mumbled, "I just can't put him down."
That night, we stood over Joey's crib, holding each other, consoling ourselves and saying over and over that we would make it through this separation and be together again soon.
Joey is six now, and he has a four-year-old brother named Jack. There have been many farewells since that night, yet my military hero still fights back tears when it's time to leave once again in service to his country and give his boys that last, long hug good-bye.
I had said good-bye to my husband, Joe, so often, but this time was different.
We now had our first child. After nights of soul-searching and what-ifs, we made the difficult decision that Joe would go by himself to Alabama for the six-month training course, and I would stay behind with our new son. It was important that I hold on to my teaching position near our home at Fort Hood, plus we were part of a strong network of friends whom I could count on to see me through the rough spots.
On Joe's last evening home- always a melancholy time- I bathed little Joey, got him into his sleeper and was heading to the bedroom when Joe gently touched me on the shoulder. Lifting the baby from my arms, he said he wanted to tuck Joey in tonight.
They headed down the hall, and I busied myself with meaningless tasks, expecting Joe to emerge from the bedroom within a few minutes. A half hour went by, and still he had not come back. Figuring he was having trouble getting our son to fall asleep, I tiptoed to the baby's room and peeked into the dimly lit room.
Sitting in the rocking chair, moving slowly back and forth, was my husband, stifling quiet sobs. He was holding our sleeping infant in his arms as though he would never let go.
I whispered, "Honey, what can I do?"
His pained eyes met mine, and after a moment he mumbled, "I just can't put him down."
That night, we stood over Joey's crib, holding each other, consoling ourselves and saying over and over that we would make it through this separation and be together again soon.
Joey is six now, and he has a four-year-old brother named Jack. There have been many farewells since that night, yet my military hero still fights back tears when it's time to leave once again in service to his country and give his boys that last, long hug good-bye.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
What a vacation!!!
So, it has been a few days since my last post. We went on a 4-day vacation to San Diego with my dad and sister. We had a BLAST!!! I really didn't want to come back home.
We left on Saturday morning, and saying goodbye to the puppy was so sad. We left him with 'Grandma' so we knew he would be in good hands. Once we got into town and checked into the hotel, it was time to hit the pool!!! Even though we were only an hour and a half away from our home, it was as if we had left the country. We didn't have to worry about a thing! No laundry, no housework, no job....All that we had to think about was what drink we wanted to order while poolside! (I opted for a margarita!)
After spending a few hours at the pool we headed back to the room to shower and change and grab some food. Dinner ended up being Mexican (MY FAV!!) out in Old Town. It was a nice little area with some miscellaneous shops and dinner was very tasty!
Sunday (Easter) was the Phillie's baseball game. Nick was super stoked and our seats were AMAZING! We were able to stand up against the fence while the guys stretched and practice throwing the ball. I got sooo many pictures! They ended up winning, and swept the whole 4-game series against the SD Padres. Nick was like a little kid and even got his hat signed by one of the pitchers!!
Monday we went to the San Diego Zoo! Nick had never been and it had been a very long time for the rest of us! I just couldn't wait to see the monkeys!!! I was really hoping one could escape and come home with me! I can't even begin to explain how sore I am from all the walking. Uphill...downhill...uphill...downhill...Miles and miles and miles!!! Quite the workout! Nick and I got a caricature done of the two of us, and I must say, it came out GREAT! The guy did an amazing job! We went to dinner at a place called Lucha Libre Taco Shop. You may recognize this place from the TV show Man VS Food. If you even get a chance to go, DO IT! They have some of the best Mexican food I have ever eaten...HUGE portions and for soooo little money!! YUMMM
Sadly, we had to come back home today. As badly as we wanted to stay, reality was knocking on our door. We had to pick up our pup and get ready for a busy rest of the week.
I still haven't gotten our photo shoot pictures back yet, and I am DYING!!!!! I want to see them so very badly!
I'm ready for a nap...Until next time! <3
We left on Saturday morning, and saying goodbye to the puppy was so sad. We left him with 'Grandma' so we knew he would be in good hands. Once we got into town and checked into the hotel, it was time to hit the pool!!! Even though we were only an hour and a half away from our home, it was as if we had left the country. We didn't have to worry about a thing! No laundry, no housework, no job....All that we had to think about was what drink we wanted to order while poolside! (I opted for a margarita!)
After spending a few hours at the pool we headed back to the room to shower and change and grab some food. Dinner ended up being Mexican (MY FAV!!) out in Old Town. It was a nice little area with some miscellaneous shops and dinner was very tasty!
Sunday (Easter) was the Phillie's baseball game. Nick was super stoked and our seats were AMAZING! We were able to stand up against the fence while the guys stretched and practice throwing the ball. I got sooo many pictures! They ended up winning, and swept the whole 4-game series against the SD Padres. Nick was like a little kid and even got his hat signed by one of the pitchers!!
Monday we went to the San Diego Zoo! Nick had never been and it had been a very long time for the rest of us! I just couldn't wait to see the monkeys!!! I was really hoping one could escape and come home with me! I can't even begin to explain how sore I am from all the walking. Uphill...downhill...uphill...downhill...Miles and miles and miles!!! Quite the workout! Nick and I got a caricature done of the two of us, and I must say, it came out GREAT! The guy did an amazing job! We went to dinner at a place called Lucha Libre Taco Shop. You may recognize this place from the TV show Man VS Food. If you even get a chance to go, DO IT! They have some of the best Mexican food I have ever eaten...HUGE portions and for soooo little money!! YUMMM
Sadly, we had to come back home today. As badly as we wanted to stay, reality was knocking on our door. We had to pick up our pup and get ready for a busy rest of the week.
I still haven't gotten our photo shoot pictures back yet, and I am DYING!!!!! I want to see them so very badly!
I'm ready for a nap...Until next time! <3
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Who cries over laundry?!
Apparently, I do...
Today was a relatively normal day. Crawled out of bed, took the dog out, made some breakfast, sat around for a bit with the hubby, etc. We decided to pick ourselves up and run a few errands. We are going on a mini-vacation this weekend and have SOOO much to do before then.
We decided the things we needed to do didn't really involve both of us being present (Which means we can bring the pup. One of us goes into the store, the other waits in the car with the dog, or the dog is able to do whatever it is we are doing.) We like having days like this, and I think Jaxson appreciated not being locked in the crate all day!!
I get really happy when the three of us are just cruising along. It's as if we have left the real world for that short amount of time. The windows down, wind blowing through our ears, radio blaring! Ah, bliss! My favorite part is when the dog sticks his little face out the window trying to soak in as many smells as he possibly can. He just looks so happy!
Then I opened my big fat mouth!
"Baby, will you miss us when you're gone?
"Of course I will!! I will miss both of you equally, VERY MUCH!!"
**Insert tears and me shutting said big fat mouth**
We went about the rest of our day as planned.
When we got home I decided to throw in some laundry. As I am sorting everything into piles I'm saying (In my head) "Mine. His. Mine. His. Mine. His."
And then it hit me...This will probably be the last time I do his laundry for MONTHSSS!! It will only be mine...
I stood there, let out a huge sigh, and just started to cry...
So, who cries over laundry?? ME!
Today was a relatively normal day. Crawled out of bed, took the dog out, made some breakfast, sat around for a bit with the hubby, etc. We decided to pick ourselves up and run a few errands. We are going on a mini-vacation this weekend and have SOOO much to do before then.
We decided the things we needed to do didn't really involve both of us being present (Which means we can bring the pup. One of us goes into the store, the other waits in the car with the dog, or the dog is able to do whatever it is we are doing.) We like having days like this, and I think Jaxson appreciated not being locked in the crate all day!!
I get really happy when the three of us are just cruising along. It's as if we have left the real world for that short amount of time. The windows down, wind blowing through our ears, radio blaring! Ah, bliss! My favorite part is when the dog sticks his little face out the window trying to soak in as many smells as he possibly can. He just looks so happy!
Then I opened my big fat mouth!
"Baby, will you miss us when you're gone?
"Of course I will!! I will miss both of you equally, VERY MUCH!!"
**Insert tears and me shutting said big fat mouth**
We went about the rest of our day as planned.
When we got home I decided to throw in some laundry. As I am sorting everything into piles I'm saying (In my head) "Mine. His. Mine. His. Mine. His."
And then it hit me...This will probably be the last time I do his laundry for MONTHSSS!! It will only be mine...
I stood there, let out a huge sigh, and just started to cry...
So, who cries over laundry?? ME!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Chicken Soup for the Soul
Yesterday I went out and bought the book "Chicken Soup for the Military Wife's Soul"
You're probably asking yourself why I would do this. I already have enough things to cry about, why on Earth would I want to read stories about other people's military experiences? Well, to answer your question....I HAVE NO IDEA!! I really don't know what possessed me to make this purchase. I came across the book one day on amazon and it has been stuck in my head ever since. I finally caved.
So far so good...minimal tears. But I thought it would be fun to share a few stories with you when I came across a good one. So, as you can guess, this post with have more than one part to it!
Here's the first one I really liked:
A NAVY WIFE'S PRAYER
How often we've stood on dark flight lines and piers...
"I love you", "I'll miss you" whispered through tears.
During long separations, in peacetime, at war...
my nights filled with dreams of this man I adore.
With only my memories to hold close at night...
I live for the day God returns my sunlight.
Yes, life goes on when your loved one's at sea...
but the ache never leaves, the fear stays with me.
Dear Lord, I need your guidance, your love...
help me be brave, keep your watch from above.
Hold my dear one so safe in your heart and your hand...
bring him home to his family...this hero...my man.
Of us, Lord, I pray he'll be filled with such pride...
of how we carried on without him by our side.
Please, help time fly quickly and soon I will hold...
the hand of the man whose eyes chase the cold.
Whose voice brings delight, whose touch eases pain.
How will I ever say "Farewell" again?
With your help, dear God, I'll try to stay strong...
and pray that his time here at home will be long.
Still, "I know that the navy will need him" I sigh...
but we'll face it together, Dear Lord, you and I.
You're probably asking yourself why I would do this. I already have enough things to cry about, why on Earth would I want to read stories about other people's military experiences? Well, to answer your question....I HAVE NO IDEA!! I really don't know what possessed me to make this purchase. I came across the book one day on amazon and it has been stuck in my head ever since. I finally caved.
So far so good...minimal tears. But I thought it would be fun to share a few stories with you when I came across a good one. So, as you can guess, this post with have more than one part to it!
Here's the first one I really liked:
A NAVY WIFE'S PRAYER
How often we've stood on dark flight lines and piers...
"I love you", "I'll miss you" whispered through tears.
During long separations, in peacetime, at war...
my nights filled with dreams of this man I adore.
With only my memories to hold close at night...
I live for the day God returns my sunlight.
Yes, life goes on when your loved one's at sea...
but the ache never leaves, the fear stays with me.
Dear Lord, I need your guidance, your love...
help me be brave, keep your watch from above.
Hold my dear one so safe in your heart and your hand...
bring him home to his family...this hero...my man.
Of us, Lord, I pray he'll be filled with such pride...
of how we carried on without him by our side.
Please, help time fly quickly and soon I will hold...
the hand of the man whose eyes chase the cold.
Whose voice brings delight, whose touch eases pain.
How will I ever say "Farewell" again?
With your help, dear God, I'll try to stay strong...
and pray that his time here at home will be long.
Still, "I know that the navy will need him" I sigh...
but we'll face it together, Dear Lord, you and I.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Say Cheeesseeeee!
Today we had our Pre-Deployment photo shoot! Long story short, it went AMAZINGLY!!
We went to a place by our house that has a lot of over growth and grassy areas and trees. Even a catfish pond! Nick got to feed them. It put him is a GREAT mood for the shoot. The first half he wore his Charlies and the second half he wore a white button up and jeans to match me in my white sundress.
The posing wasn't even cheesy at all! She had us in pretty natural positions and it was even okay when we took a second to laugh at each other. It doesn't hurt that me and Nick are both hams when it comes to taking pictures!! haha She also took a few of just me. A couple with his dog tags and a couple with his boots which I think will be super cute!
She is supposed to have them ready in about a week or two. I just want to see them now!! Out of 156 shots, there has to be a few good ones in there! ;)
**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**
We went to a place by our house that has a lot of over growth and grassy areas and trees. Even a catfish pond! Nick got to feed them. It put him is a GREAT mood for the shoot. The first half he wore his Charlies and the second half he wore a white button up and jeans to match me in my white sundress.
The posing wasn't even cheesy at all! She had us in pretty natural positions and it was even okay when we took a second to laugh at each other. It doesn't hurt that me and Nick are both hams when it comes to taking pictures!! haha She also took a few of just me. A couple with his dog tags and a couple with his boots which I think will be super cute!
She is supposed to have them ready in about a week or two. I just want to see them now!! Out of 156 shots, there has to be a few good ones in there! ;)
**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**CAN'T WAIT**
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I need a good ramble...
...so here goes!
I really don't have anything to talk about. I am not in a bad mood, but not really in a good one either. Nothing significant has happened today to make me feel like this but for some reason I feel like I just need to ramble until I feel better. Let's see where this ends up...
Yesterday was a normal day, spent some time cleaning up the house, played with the puppy, went to physical therapy...They are getting a little more extreme at my appointments now. Each time I go seems to get harder and harder. Not effort wise, I don't do a lot in the way of exercising or being really physical, but in the way they handle my pain. Trying to loosen up my muscles means digging their boney fingers and elbows into my shoulder and hips until I cry! I guess it's a good pain, the kind of pain that makes you feel like something is working, but today when I woke up it felt like I had been hit by a TRUCK!! I didn't even want to move, and my shoulder was so puffy from being swollen...ugh! I am just hoping that this all works and that having this weekly pain, will eventually get rid of my DAILY pain.
Today I went out to lunch with one of my friends. Her husband is deploying with my husband and we needed a girl outing. These are bitter-sweet...While it is nice to spend time with someone who knows what you are going through, it also means that you tend to talk about it more. We spent our time at lunch figuring out how we were going to make it through these 7-8 months. How will we keep ourselves busy? At least I am not alone in this. And guess what?! I didn't even cry talking about it with her!! This is pretty huge for me...I usually can't even say the word 'Deployment' without losing it...I am just so lucky to have such great friends (some of which are in the same boat) to get me through this hard time.
Nick starts his pre-deployment leave as of this Thursday....I am so glad we will have a little vacation together before he leaves! We are taking a San Diego trip to go to the zoo and to a Phillie's baseball game. He wants to make small day trips here and there...IE. Hollywood, Sea world, etc...and eat as much as possible since he won't have the luxuries of eating out while he is gone. (Great, I can already feel my jeans tightening just thinking about it!!)
On Saturday we have a photo-shoot set up! I'M SO EXCITED!! We have only had our pictures taken once (professionally, that is) so this should be a lot of fun!! I am trying to have it done at the winery by our house. I think it would provide a really beautiful background for the pictures. I'll let you know how it goes!! (Insert excessive smiling and bouncy happiness)
We talked more about what my living situation will be while he is gone...should I stay here at the apartment, should we look at houses, should I move back in with my dad??? I really don't know what to do...
Too many things need to get done in a short amount of time!! Getting a job, moving, school......ahhh! I just need to remember to take things one day at a time. When I start taking on too many things at once, I get wayyy too overwhelmed. That's when things start to slip and I lose my mind. When my mind goes, I turn into a huge disastrous mess!! There will be none of that this deployment, I PROMISE!
I really don't have anything to talk about. I am not in a bad mood, but not really in a good one either. Nothing significant has happened today to make me feel like this but for some reason I feel like I just need to ramble until I feel better. Let's see where this ends up...
Yesterday was a normal day, spent some time cleaning up the house, played with the puppy, went to physical therapy...They are getting a little more extreme at my appointments now. Each time I go seems to get harder and harder. Not effort wise, I don't do a lot in the way of exercising or being really physical, but in the way they handle my pain. Trying to loosen up my muscles means digging their boney fingers and elbows into my shoulder and hips until I cry! I guess it's a good pain, the kind of pain that makes you feel like something is working, but today when I woke up it felt like I had been hit by a TRUCK!! I didn't even want to move, and my shoulder was so puffy from being swollen...ugh! I am just hoping that this all works and that having this weekly pain, will eventually get rid of my DAILY pain.
Today I went out to lunch with one of my friends. Her husband is deploying with my husband and we needed a girl outing. These are bitter-sweet...While it is nice to spend time with someone who knows what you are going through, it also means that you tend to talk about it more. We spent our time at lunch figuring out how we were going to make it through these 7-8 months. How will we keep ourselves busy? At least I am not alone in this. And guess what?! I didn't even cry talking about it with her!! This is pretty huge for me...I usually can't even say the word 'Deployment' without losing it...I am just so lucky to have such great friends (some of which are in the same boat) to get me through this hard time.
Nick starts his pre-deployment leave as of this Thursday....I am so glad we will have a little vacation together before he leaves! We are taking a San Diego trip to go to the zoo and to a Phillie's baseball game. He wants to make small day trips here and there...IE. Hollywood, Sea world, etc...and eat as much as possible since he won't have the luxuries of eating out while he is gone. (Great, I can already feel my jeans tightening just thinking about it!!)
On Saturday we have a photo-shoot set up! I'M SO EXCITED!! We have only had our pictures taken once (professionally, that is) so this should be a lot of fun!! I am trying to have it done at the winery by our house. I think it would provide a really beautiful background for the pictures. I'll let you know how it goes!! (Insert excessive smiling and bouncy happiness)
We talked more about what my living situation will be while he is gone...should I stay here at the apartment, should we look at houses, should I move back in with my dad??? I really don't know what to do...
Too many things need to get done in a short amount of time!! Getting a job, moving, school......ahhh! I just need to remember to take things one day at a time. When I start taking on too many things at once, I get wayyy too overwhelmed. That's when things start to slip and I lose my mind. When my mind goes, I turn into a huge disastrous mess!! There will be none of that this deployment, I PROMISE!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Three more weeks...
Yesterday I went to a baby shower for one of the girls I used to work with. She had gotten pregnant while I was still working but I hadn't seen her since November! Needless to say, she's about to POP! They only have a few more weeks before their little man comes into the world! I am so happy for them!
Being at the shower gave me massive baby fever!! Everywhere I turned there was a baby or a mommy to be! They were just all over the place! SO JEALOUS! I can't wait until Nick lets us start our own little family...but that will have to be talked about in it's own entry...
A few of the other girls from work were there, and because we haven't seen each other in quite some time, we all had to exchange our "What have you been up to?"s. Everything was going really well and I was so happy hanging out with them again...I really so miss them all so much!! But then I was asked, "So, when is your husband leaving?"
Without hesitation or a change in pitch, I uttered the dreadful words "Three weeks"....
I've said before that this really isn't news to me. I know he is leaving, I know he has to! But for some reason, there are little moments when it catches me off guard. This was one of those moments. It took a few seconds (It seemed like hours) to realize what had actually come out of my mouth...three weeks....my husband is leaving me in THREE WEEKS!! This is crazy! I only have three more weeks to soak up as much of him as possible!
I pulled myself together and enjoyed the rest of the shower.
We went out last night with a couple we know, who happen to work with Nick. They had a baby two months ago and needed a 'Mommy Daddy get away'. We went out to dinner, to the casino to see a comedy show, and ended up at the bar for some drinks! I had a blast. I really enjoy getting to have nights like these. Good times, good people, and the man of my dreams by my side the whole time.
This deployment is going to be rough...VERY ROUGH!!!
Being at the shower gave me massive baby fever!! Everywhere I turned there was a baby or a mommy to be! They were just all over the place! SO JEALOUS! I can't wait until Nick lets us start our own little family...but that will have to be talked about in it's own entry...
A few of the other girls from work were there, and because we haven't seen each other in quite some time, we all had to exchange our "What have you been up to?"s. Everything was going really well and I was so happy hanging out with them again...I really so miss them all so much!! But then I was asked, "So, when is your husband leaving?"
Without hesitation or a change in pitch, I uttered the dreadful words "Three weeks"....
I've said before that this really isn't news to me. I know he is leaving, I know he has to! But for some reason, there are little moments when it catches me off guard. This was one of those moments. It took a few seconds (It seemed like hours) to realize what had actually come out of my mouth...three weeks....my husband is leaving me in THREE WEEKS!! This is crazy! I only have three more weeks to soak up as much of him as possible!
I pulled myself together and enjoyed the rest of the shower.
We went out last night with a couple we know, who happen to work with Nick. They had a baby two months ago and needed a 'Mommy Daddy get away'. We went out to dinner, to the casino to see a comedy show, and ended up at the bar for some drinks! I had a blast. I really enjoy getting to have nights like these. Good times, good people, and the man of my dreams by my side the whole time.
This deployment is going to be rough...VERY ROUGH!!!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Long day/ Random thoughts
I have been trying really hard lately to not let the small things get to me. Focusing on the positive and moving on with my life. That doesn't mean I am not allowed to have a rough day here and there.
The things is, I don't know when these days are coming. I would like a little warning! Like this morning, everything is going great!! The hubby didn't have to go into work until late so we were able to spend some time together. Had some coffee, watched a movie, shared some cuddle time. I LOVE mornings like this! Then out of nowhere he turns to me and says "Gosh, I go on leave in like a week! That's crazy! That means we're leaving soon...wow." I just lost it! Balled my eyes out!! It's not like this is news to me. I know they leave soon. I know he will be on vacation even sooner. But for some reason, actually HEARING it, makes it so much worse!!
I just don't want him to go away. I don't want to be by myself. This is so HARD!!
I was finally able to pull myself together. Nick went to work and I went about my day. Which leads me to the second half of my day...PHYSICAL THERAPY!
Physical therapy is a bitch! You are sent there because of some part of you being in pain. Their way of fixing it is to put you in even MORE pain!! He said if I don't feel like I was beat up tomorrow, that he didn't do his job...great...
So he dug around in my muscles for a while before sending a girl in to do an ultrasound. It was actually pretty interesting. It is a machine that she moves around the injured area and it submits sound waves to stimulate blood flow to help heal you. Crossing my fingers that it did it's job! I am already in some pain though, so I am totally not looking forward to tomorrow. I guess as long as this all does what it's supposed to and I don't have to hurt anymore, it's fine by me!
I was finally able to finish our Save the Date cards. My mom and I decided to make them ourselves on the computer. They came out SO GOOD!! Better than the ones I had originally purchased and waayyyy less expensive! That's as far as I've gotten with the wedding planning...Nick and I went to look at a venue a few days ago but it was not what we thought it was going to be. (And more expensive!) I have a couple more places to look into. I just wish I had someone to do this all for me! haha
We are trying to decide if we will be continuing our lease here at the apartment. We can either sign up for another year, or try and go month to month but our monthly payment would go up. My dad offered to let me come live with him again. As much as I love being away from home and getting to live my own life, this option would save us close to $1400/month!! There is obviously a lot more to consider when making my decision....Luckily I have a little bit of time to think about it!
I need to start looking for a job (seriously) I have put out a few applications here and there but I haven't been too serious about it. There was really no point in getting a job so near to Nick leaving. I wouldn't have been able to take any time off for his pre-deployment leave. It makes more sense to just wait until he's gone and then bust my butt!! If I don't have a job while he is gone, I may lose my mind...In fact, I KNOW I will!!
Sighhh....Time to cuddle up to the puppy and hope the Hubster gets to come home super early!!
The things is, I don't know when these days are coming. I would like a little warning! Like this morning, everything is going great!! The hubby didn't have to go into work until late so we were able to spend some time together. Had some coffee, watched a movie, shared some cuddle time. I LOVE mornings like this! Then out of nowhere he turns to me and says "Gosh, I go on leave in like a week! That's crazy! That means we're leaving soon...wow." I just lost it! Balled my eyes out!! It's not like this is news to me. I know they leave soon. I know he will be on vacation even sooner. But for some reason, actually HEARING it, makes it so much worse!!
I just don't want him to go away. I don't want to be by myself. This is so HARD!!
I was finally able to pull myself together. Nick went to work and I went about my day. Which leads me to the second half of my day...PHYSICAL THERAPY!
Physical therapy is a bitch! You are sent there because of some part of you being in pain. Their way of fixing it is to put you in even MORE pain!! He said if I don't feel like I was beat up tomorrow, that he didn't do his job...great...
So he dug around in my muscles for a while before sending a girl in to do an ultrasound. It was actually pretty interesting. It is a machine that she moves around the injured area and it submits sound waves to stimulate blood flow to help heal you. Crossing my fingers that it did it's job! I am already in some pain though, so I am totally not looking forward to tomorrow. I guess as long as this all does what it's supposed to and I don't have to hurt anymore, it's fine by me!
****
I was finally able to finish our Save the Date cards. My mom and I decided to make them ourselves on the computer. They came out SO GOOD!! Better than the ones I had originally purchased and waayyyy less expensive! That's as far as I've gotten with the wedding planning...Nick and I went to look at a venue a few days ago but it was not what we thought it was going to be. (And more expensive!) I have a couple more places to look into. I just wish I had someone to do this all for me! haha
We are trying to decide if we will be continuing our lease here at the apartment. We can either sign up for another year, or try and go month to month but our monthly payment would go up. My dad offered to let me come live with him again. As much as I love being away from home and getting to live my own life, this option would save us close to $1400/month!! There is obviously a lot more to consider when making my decision....Luckily I have a little bit of time to think about it!
I need to start looking for a job (seriously) I have put out a few applications here and there but I haven't been too serious about it. There was really no point in getting a job so near to Nick leaving. I wouldn't have been able to take any time off for his pre-deployment leave. It makes more sense to just wait until he's gone and then bust my butt!! If I don't have a job while he is gone, I may lose my mind...In fact, I KNOW I will!!
Sighhh....Time to cuddle up to the puppy and hope the Hubster gets to come home super early!!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Back to life
I've been having a rough few weeks...if you couldn't tell ;p
With everything I have going on, I just couldn't seem to keep myself in a straight line!! I was being pulled in a hundred different directions and letting myself get wayyyy too overwhelmed!
I think I am finally getting back to my usual self. I started going tanning again, and got back in the gym (FINALLY!) Sometimes you have to hit the bottom to be able to reach the top. I was so focused on all of the negative that was going on that I had completely forgotten about all the positive things I have in my life.
I have a WONDERFUL family! We may get on each other's nerves sometimes but I wouldn't trade a single one of them for anything in the world!! The loss of my Grandad really brought me down. It was the first time I had to experience anything like that before...I am just trying to keep telling myself that he lived a very long and happy life. He touched so many people's lives. I had 22 years of his love and support!! I am SO lucky!
I have THE BEST husband anyone could ask for! Yes, we have our ups and downs...Who doesn't?? That doesn't mean we don't love each other, and it doesn't mean we aren't perfectly suited for each other! Some days we just have to work a little harder at our relationship. He holds half of my heart...and I hold half of his! We both strive to make the other happy. Getting to wake up next to him every morning is such an amazing gift! <3
I have GREAT friends!! I am so thankful to have these awesome people in my life! They are always there for me no matter what! Even if that means driving to the beach at 1am on a school night, listening to me cry over a bottle of wine, or just being by my side when things get rough...To you, I am forever in your debt!
So, I have some bad days...They don't compare to the good ones <3
With this deployment quickly approaching, I am trying to soak in as much love and support as possible...I am going to need it! I may complain, I may cry, I may get angry...but I support my husband ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!! I am here no matter what...I always will be!
Thank you to everyone who has been behind me in all of this...without you I am nothing. I love you always and forever!
With everything I have going on, I just couldn't seem to keep myself in a straight line!! I was being pulled in a hundred different directions and letting myself get wayyyy too overwhelmed!
I think I am finally getting back to my usual self. I started going tanning again, and got back in the gym (FINALLY!) Sometimes you have to hit the bottom to be able to reach the top. I was so focused on all of the negative that was going on that I had completely forgotten about all the positive things I have in my life.
I have a WONDERFUL family! We may get on each other's nerves sometimes but I wouldn't trade a single one of them for anything in the world!! The loss of my Grandad really brought me down. It was the first time I had to experience anything like that before...I am just trying to keep telling myself that he lived a very long and happy life. He touched so many people's lives. I had 22 years of his love and support!! I am SO lucky!
I have THE BEST husband anyone could ask for! Yes, we have our ups and downs...Who doesn't?? That doesn't mean we don't love each other, and it doesn't mean we aren't perfectly suited for each other! Some days we just have to work a little harder at our relationship. He holds half of my heart...and I hold half of his! We both strive to make the other happy. Getting to wake up next to him every morning is such an amazing gift! <3
I have GREAT friends!! I am so thankful to have these awesome people in my life! They are always there for me no matter what! Even if that means driving to the beach at 1am on a school night, listening to me cry over a bottle of wine, or just being by my side when things get rough...To you, I am forever in your debt!
So, I have some bad days...They don't compare to the good ones <3
With this deployment quickly approaching, I am trying to soak in as much love and support as possible...I am going to need it! I may complain, I may cry, I may get angry...but I support my husband ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!! I am here no matter what...I always will be!
Thank you to everyone who has been behind me in all of this...without you I am nothing. I love you always and forever!
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