I have been trying to stay super positive lately but it is SO HARD to do when my hubby is so emotionless!
We have been going back and forth with this upcoming deployment. When he got into his accident in September, the surgeon told us he would never walk again. There was no way he would be going on the deployment. If you know my husband, you know information like that wasn't going to fly!! He kicked his own ass every single day to get up and around the house. He was recovering so quickly but the surgeon was still not convinced that he would be able to leave. Not only would it be a danger to himself, it would be a danger to his unit.
Months later, after NUMEROUS physical therapy appointments and nights in the gym, he started running. The surgeon told him he would have to run 3 miles (along with other movement tests) in order to be signed off as 'well enough to deploy'.
Yesterday was the deadline...
I am a good person, but there was a part of me that was gripping tight to the last little possibility that he wouldn't have to leave! Through this whole thing, I have been 100% supportive! I helped him when he needed it, I encouraged him to get moving, I praised him in his progress...What kind of person would I be if I left him alone through all of this??? That still doesn't make this any easier for me. Ask anyone, when they ask me how I feel about this whole thing, my response has been and always will be "I would sacrifice 8 months of my own sadness any day so that he won't have sadness for the rest of his life!" If he couldn't go on this deployment, it would be the end for him...He would have nothing left to look forward to! This has been all he's wanted since he joined the marine corps and I would never EVER want anything else for him! Knowing he is happy makes me happy too.
All I asked for was a little compassion when it came to the news he sprung on me! If I am supposed to keep a smiling face and pretend everything is okay FOR YOU, then you need to be able to understand what you need to do FOR ME!
He passed his exam yesterday and was signed off for this deployment. Instead of a heartfelt "I know this is hard for you to hear, but I will be leaving. Everything will be okay" I got "The surgeon paraded me around the office!!! He wants to write about me and my recovery in the medical journal!!!!!"
Way to make me feel like crap...
I was good though. I smiled and congratulated him...like I should! He deserves it after all of the hard work he has put into this! I am so proud of him and how fast he was able to recover. All I asked for was for him to come home and see how I was handling the news. To maybe talk things through with me so that I didn't feel completely alone in all of this. Did I get that though?? Of course not!!!
Instead I got yelled at for not being supportive enough, for being over emotional, and for only thinking about myself and what I needed instead of what he needed....awesome...
So, not only will I be alone for 8 months, but I will be in a SHIT mood until he leaves because GOD FORBID I GET EMOTIONAL!!!
