My Angel

You know how they say "When one door closes, God opens a window"?

Well, for some reason, he is slamming all my doors in my face! Playing some sick, cruel joke on me! Not only is He closing my doors, He's dead-bolting the windows shut too! Why is He doing this to me?
I can feel the air escaping, only a few final breaths...I am suffocating...

Then, from out of nowhere, this Angel...This beautiful promise of tomorrow...Through one of these windows, she throws a brick.
Instant fresh air! A few deep breaths...


Attached to this brick is a note:

Dear Ashleigh,
You mustn't give up. You must continue
to find your way. Carve your own path!
You must not let them get the best of
you. Keep your head up high and move
forward with the ever-present faith that
you will survive this. You will...


With all of the strength left in my body, I rise to my feet. Clear my head, and with one fell swoop, bust down that door!

I am starting fresh. New job, new outlook, and the most wonderful friends who have NEVER left my side! I will carve my own path, I will find my way, I WILL SURVIVE!

The Working Girl

Yep, that's me! I have a new job and I couldn't be happier about it! This was exactly what I needed to get my life on the right track!

July was the devil...I'm turning August into the Month of Ashleigh!

Only positives here!

It's simple!

I'M SIMPLE!

I want love.
I want to be happy.
I want to be loud.
I want to laugh.
I want to dance around the house in my underwear.
I want a career.
I want to dye my hair without comments.
I want picnics in the park.
I want date night.
I want a backyard for the puppy to run around.
I want cozy Sunday mornings.
I want days without make-up.
I want to hold hands.
I want to run around on the beach.
I want kids.
I want trust.
I want to sip coffee on the porch.

I want to be loved for the person I am...No ifs, ands, or buts about it!
Is that really too much to ask?

As if there wasn't enough on my mind...

August is going to be killer on my social life! Well, whatever sort of social life I was claiming to have...which is not much...

I have made the final decision to move out of our apartment. Even though it will be hazardous to my mental state living back at home, we will be able to save quite a bit of money! Money to pay for the wedding, money to pay off credit cards, money to help pay off Nick's Harley... At this point in my life, it make much more sense to make the decision to move out and save this money, then to stay in the apartment for the sake of me being happy.
It won't be all bad...My dad is hardly ever around due to his job travels, my sister is only around every other week, and my Pup will FINALLY have a back yard to run around in!! Not to mention, no rent, no bills, no nuthin'...This is definitely the best decision for us right now.

That being said, our lease ends August 31st. I start school August 15th. So, in one month, I need to get a storage shed, start school, pack up an entire apartment, move, and unpack...Oh boy!
This would be so much easier if I had Nick here to help me. Maybe I can persuade a few man-types with some pizza and beer!


I will also need to cancel all of our extras...cable, internet, electric...
If you don't hear from me, send a rescue crew!


***

On another note, I am going on vacation next week! Just me and the fam...Sun, lake, boat, food...
I cannot wait to take a break from these stresses! The only part that makes me sad is that we can't bring my Jaxson. He will be going to stay with Grandma...So sad!

Fall Semester

I am a college student...again.
It feels good to say that. I miss being in school. I miss learning and homework. I know I say that now...just wait until the semester actually starts and I want to die!

Unfortunately this semester isn't going to be much fun. There was a mix up in my file and I never received a registration date. School starts August 15th and I just got to pick my classes TODAY!
English, Health Science, Political Science and waitlisted for Music....
Well, as you may have guessed, everything has been picked over and only scraps remain. I wasn't able to get a math class...The one class that I actually WANTED! grr
And I will have to take a class on line. Possibly two, if they accept me from the waitlist. Cross your fingers for me!
The only real bummer is that I have to take Political Science online. I HATE history...failed it almost every year in high school. I don't like it, I don't get it, I don't enjoy having to listen to a boring professor talk about a boring subject...So having to take this class online is going to be a real struggle for me. It is hard enough to understand when I am actually sitting in class with a teacher, being online I am going to have to practically teach myself. EEK!

I am praying this semester isn't a total drag...I just need to make it through these next few months and Spring Semester should be much nicer to me!

4th of July Weekend

I've started this painfully hot beautiful weekend with a cup of coffee and some home made strawberry pancakes! Little things like this make all the difference in my life. It puts me in such a better mood to start my day.

I have had a great few days lately, and things with the Mister are definitely looking up!

Me and Jaxson are headed to my dad's for a BBQ and some cocktails. I'm just so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life who love me and care about me!

See you in a few days <3

If I were a car, I would be a convertible mustang!

So, as many of you know, I have fallen on some hard times with the Mister. It started with him buying the cigars, but then somehow just snowballed into a World War! This has been a horrible fight and has brought up some really deep feelings between us. Maybe we needed this...Maybe this was the only way to finally get through to each other...


***


Last deployment I begged my husband for a hand written letter. I didn't want flowers, I didn't want candy, I didn't want jewelry and our emails and phone calls had become SO boring! Basic "How are you"s....Not very romantic or heartfelt! Well, months go by and still no letter...It took us getting into a fight before he actually sent one (The very last month he was gone!). Guys don't really realize what the small stuff means to us girls. Getting a letter in the mail is like wining the lottery!!! We just want to know, in your own words, in your own writing how much you really love us. Tell us we're beautiful...Most times it takes us breaking down and losing our minds before you guys understand just how important all that is.

I came across this blog entry and wanted to share it with you...

“I am running on fumes, here, fellah,” I snapped into the phone. “I’m getting nothing from you. Why do you think I can go and go and always come last in your life???”  

Yeah, I confess that I went off on poor Brad last night. Note the drama of the words “nothing” and “always” and “last”—as if the existence of a Fig Newton was more important to Brad than me.    

I know it is not. It is just that at that moment, the demands of the Navy were too much. That happens once in a while. Thus the whack phone call.

Luckily for me, Brad is an old husband. He called back later with a good answer that I wanted to share with you. Brad said, “I do take you for granted. You go along so well, you do so many things, that I forget that you need something too. I just forget.”

He sounded like every other military husband I know. And he is right. I pride myself on being his able partner in the business of life. When the military makes demands on us, I want our family to be strong enough to step up. Yet, I still need stuff from Brad. I know me. I’m one of those people who needs words, lots of words. Words of encouragement. Words of praise. Words to share a life. Brad knows that already. He gets caught up in the frantic urgency of the military. He forgets the needs of home. He takes the spin and drive of us for granted. So how does a guy remember the important needs of home if they aren’t on fire or screeching on the phone?

When we talked about it later, Brad reminded me about what I had said about running on fumes. “Your tank was empty,” he said. “I need to fill that regularly. Like the car.”

I thought that was a perfect analogy. Because in the military, a marriage is a lot like a car. You get it and it is nice and shiny and new. You feel like you got a bargain. It is everything you want. If you are lucky, it is the only car you will ever need. You’ll make it to the Million Mile Club as long as you change the oil. Wax the paint. Check the tires. Fill the tank regularly.

So today Brad and I have been going back and forth thinking of ways to hook this car idea to stuff he already does automatically. I said he ought to write my name on his gas gauge with a Sharpie. He said that with his schedule he ought to attach pictures of all the spouses onto the fuel lines the sailors use to fill up the ship. I laughed as I pictured that–long lines of loving faces, stretching out between ships, fueling all of our intentions.

I mean, comparing a wife to a car? Crazy!

But is it really?? Men are like children. They need to have things broken down for them in the simplest of ways. I would rather be compared to a car than be put second to one...in my case it's the Harley. Or Harvey, as we have named him....

***

On a lighter note, I think things with me and the Mister are finally cooling down. I was able to voice my opinion without him getting mad and he was able to voice his. I'm hoping over the next few days you will see much less complaining coming from this here blog! 

Until next time, my friends! I am headed to the pool! <3