As if there wasn't enough on my mind...

August is going to be killer on my social life! Well, whatever sort of social life I was claiming to have...which is not much...

I have made the final decision to move out of our apartment. Even though it will be hazardous to my mental state living back at home, we will be able to save quite a bit of money! Money to pay for the wedding, money to pay off credit cards, money to help pay off Nick's Harley... At this point in my life, it make much more sense to make the decision to move out and save this money, then to stay in the apartment for the sake of me being happy.
It won't be all bad...My dad is hardly ever around due to his job travels, my sister is only around every other week, and my Pup will FINALLY have a back yard to run around in!! Not to mention, no rent, no bills, no nuthin'...This is definitely the best decision for us right now.

That being said, our lease ends August 31st. I start school August 15th. So, in one month, I need to get a storage shed, start school, pack up an entire apartment, move, and unpack...Oh boy!
This would be so much easier if I had Nick here to help me. Maybe I can persuade a few man-types with some pizza and beer!


I will also need to cancel all of our extras...cable, internet, electric...
If you don't hear from me, send a rescue crew!


***

On another note, I am going on vacation next week! Just me and the fam...Sun, lake, boat, food...
I cannot wait to take a break from these stresses! The only part that makes me sad is that we can't bring my Jaxson. He will be going to stay with Grandma...So sad!

Fall Semester

I am a college student...again.
It feels good to say that. I miss being in school. I miss learning and homework. I know I say that now...just wait until the semester actually starts and I want to die!

Unfortunately this semester isn't going to be much fun. There was a mix up in my file and I never received a registration date. School starts August 15th and I just got to pick my classes TODAY!
English, Health Science, Political Science and waitlisted for Music....
Well, as you may have guessed, everything has been picked over and only scraps remain. I wasn't able to get a math class...The one class that I actually WANTED! grr
And I will have to take a class on line. Possibly two, if they accept me from the waitlist. Cross your fingers for me!
The only real bummer is that I have to take Political Science online. I HATE history...failed it almost every year in high school. I don't like it, I don't get it, I don't enjoy having to listen to a boring professor talk about a boring subject...So having to take this class online is going to be a real struggle for me. It is hard enough to understand when I am actually sitting in class with a teacher, being online I am going to have to practically teach myself. EEK!

I am praying this semester isn't a total drag...I just need to make it through these next few months and Spring Semester should be much nicer to me!

4th of July Weekend

I've started this painfully hot beautiful weekend with a cup of coffee and some home made strawberry pancakes! Little things like this make all the difference in my life. It puts me in such a better mood to start my day.

I have had a great few days lately, and things with the Mister are definitely looking up!

Me and Jaxson are headed to my dad's for a BBQ and some cocktails. I'm just so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life who love me and care about me!

See you in a few days <3

If I were a car, I would be a convertible mustang!

So, as many of you know, I have fallen on some hard times with the Mister. It started with him buying the cigars, but then somehow just snowballed into a World War! This has been a horrible fight and has brought up some really deep feelings between us. Maybe we needed this...Maybe this was the only way to finally get through to each other...


***


Last deployment I begged my husband for a hand written letter. I didn't want flowers, I didn't want candy, I didn't want jewelry and our emails and phone calls had become SO boring! Basic "How are you"s....Not very romantic or heartfelt! Well, months go by and still no letter...It took us getting into a fight before he actually sent one (The very last month he was gone!). Guys don't really realize what the small stuff means to us girls. Getting a letter in the mail is like wining the lottery!!! We just want to know, in your own words, in your own writing how much you really love us. Tell us we're beautiful...Most times it takes us breaking down and losing our minds before you guys understand just how important all that is.

I came across this blog entry and wanted to share it with you...

“I am running on fumes, here, fellah,” I snapped into the phone. “I’m getting nothing from you. Why do you think I can go and go and always come last in your life???”  

Yeah, I confess that I went off on poor Brad last night. Note the drama of the words “nothing” and “always” and “last”—as if the existence of a Fig Newton was more important to Brad than me.    

I know it is not. It is just that at that moment, the demands of the Navy were too much. That happens once in a while. Thus the whack phone call.

Luckily for me, Brad is an old husband. He called back later with a good answer that I wanted to share with you. Brad said, “I do take you for granted. You go along so well, you do so many things, that I forget that you need something too. I just forget.”

He sounded like every other military husband I know. And he is right. I pride myself on being his able partner in the business of life. When the military makes demands on us, I want our family to be strong enough to step up. Yet, I still need stuff from Brad. I know me. I’m one of those people who needs words, lots of words. Words of encouragement. Words of praise. Words to share a life. Brad knows that already. He gets caught up in the frantic urgency of the military. He forgets the needs of home. He takes the spin and drive of us for granted. So how does a guy remember the important needs of home if they aren’t on fire or screeching on the phone?

When we talked about it later, Brad reminded me about what I had said about running on fumes. “Your tank was empty,” he said. “I need to fill that regularly. Like the car.”

I thought that was a perfect analogy. Because in the military, a marriage is a lot like a car. You get it and it is nice and shiny and new. You feel like you got a bargain. It is everything you want. If you are lucky, it is the only car you will ever need. You’ll make it to the Million Mile Club as long as you change the oil. Wax the paint. Check the tires. Fill the tank regularly.

So today Brad and I have been going back and forth thinking of ways to hook this car idea to stuff he already does automatically. I said he ought to write my name on his gas gauge with a Sharpie. He said that with his schedule he ought to attach pictures of all the spouses onto the fuel lines the sailors use to fill up the ship. I laughed as I pictured that–long lines of loving faces, stretching out between ships, fueling all of our intentions.

I mean, comparing a wife to a car? Crazy!

But is it really?? Men are like children. They need to have things broken down for them in the simplest of ways. I would rather be compared to a car than be put second to one...in my case it's the Harley. Or Harvey, as we have named him....

***

On a lighter note, I think things with me and the Mister are finally cooling down. I was able to voice my opinion without him getting mad and he was able to voice his. I'm hoping over the next few days you will see much less complaining coming from this here blog! 

Until next time, my friends! I am headed to the pool! <3

3...2...1...VENT!

Boys suck!

Men are Boys...

So therefore, Men SUCK!

I'm having a bad day...My husband, who quit smoking for me 3 years ago has decided that it is his right to be able to spend $100 on cigars. I couldn't care less about the money. He makes it, so yes, he has every right to spend it! I DO CARE about him smoking! Even if it is just a cigar...one thing leads to another...Well, you know how it goes...

When confronting him about it, I got yelled at.
How DARE I take away the only joys he has in life??
How DARE I be so selfish?!
How DARE I try and tell him what he can and cannot do?!

Well, I am his wife! The day he said "I do" gave me the RIGHT to have an opinion about his actions! The day he said "I do" should have been the day he actually CARED about what I had to say!!!
So who is the selfish one? The person who is concerned about the other person's health?? Or the person who is choosing to smoke even though he knows his wife doesn't approve????

That's what I thought....

I swear it will take him getting cancer before he even thinks twice about the decisions he is making. He has the mentality that "Whatever doesn't kill him makes him stronger". Well, that may have worked when he was livin' the single life, but that doesn't fly when you're married! There should be other priorities in your life, like oh, LIVING! Not acting like a dumb shit! Actually understanding that if you eff up and you die, it actually affects someone else!! It leaves your wife...a widow....

THIS is not okay...I AM NOT OKAY! But I guess it doesn't matter what I think...

Did you miss me?

It has been way too long. I guess on my GIANT list of "To-Dos", blogging wasn't top priority...

Here's what's been going down!

I finally set a date for our wedding!!! On May 25, 2012, I will be married (again) to the most wonderful man in the world! I put down the deposit, now I just have to wait for them to schedule me an appointment to pick out the cake, food, flowers, music, etc! I am so lucky that this place takes care of almost everything for me. I don't know what I would do if I was left to handle it all on my own! Taking care of the invitations is proving to be a tough enough job as it is....

I spent some time with my pops for his birthday...My sister and I took him to breakfast and then we went to his GFs for a little BBQ and some ice cream cake. No, I did not get him his own Costco cake. Yes, I am a terrible daughter. Yes, he did make a fuss. Yes, he WILL be getting one for Father's Day! A huge one all to himself, tons of obnoxious colors, extra frosting, and writing that says "Happy Birthday/ Father's Day for the rest of your life!!!" teehee

I've gone to the beach twice so far this summer!! Unfortunately, the weather hasn't been all that great lately =( The first trip was just with my friend and her kids...trying to get them out of the house and busy so they stop driving her nuts!! The second trip was a family day for all of the wives. I had never really spent time with any of them, or really even knew who most of them were, so this was a nice way to meet some new people and swap stories. All of our husbands are on the same deployment, so we knew we all had at least one thing in common! While we were there, the FRO had set up a video camera and we were all allowed to say a short little message to send to the guys! It sounds silly, but I was SO nervous! I didn't know what to say to him...I'm sure I was all fidgety and awkward, but at least Nick will be able to identify me! haha

I started at the gym again, for real this time!! I am not allowed to go summer clothes or wedding dress shopping until I am happy with my weight! It is crunch time, folks! I am determined to get down to the weight I was when I met Nick...Scary as it sounds, that's like 40lbs!!! Diet and exercise hard core from here on out. Yesterday was my first day, and I actually felt great!! I feel like it actually gives me something to do during the day...I have an hour to myself where I don't have to think about anything! It is just me and the treadmill...

Well, friends, it is time for me to go. I promise not to be away this long again ;)
Hope everyone is having a wonderful week!!!
<3

Quit telling me you "Understand"

YOU DON'T!

I am sick and tired of people telling me that they "understand what I am going through". You don't, and never will, unless you get the unfortunate opportunity to live this life. Quit pitying me, quit telling me it will be okay, quit feeling sorry for me! You aren't helping. Not even a little bit.

I don't want to hear that I knew what I was getting myself in to. I know.

I don't want to be told to stop crying about it. When your husband leaves you for 7 months, you're allowed to cry!

I am tired of being invited places because "I should really get out of the house". Invite me because you want me to be there!

This weekend was the hardest yet. Memorial Day weekend...
Every news story is military, every Facebook post is military, everyone being all mushy gushy over their Marine. And what am I doing? Sitting in my bed wanting to die. Everything hurts. Especially my heart. You will never understand what it feels like to go to bed alone every night, you will never understand what it feels like to wake up alone every morning, you will never understand the sadness that overwhelms your every move because the person you love more than anything in the world is farther from you than you could ever imagine...My heart is broken and there isn't enough duct tape in the world to mend the pieces.

I hate this, and NO, you don't understand!