3...2...1...VENT!

Boys suck!

Men are Boys...

So therefore, Men SUCK!

I'm having a bad day...My husband, who quit smoking for me 3 years ago has decided that it is his right to be able to spend $100 on cigars. I couldn't care less about the money. He makes it, so yes, he has every right to spend it! I DO CARE about him smoking! Even if it is just a cigar...one thing leads to another...Well, you know how it goes...

When confronting him about it, I got yelled at.
How DARE I take away the only joys he has in life??
How DARE I be so selfish?!
How DARE I try and tell him what he can and cannot do?!

Well, I am his wife! The day he said "I do" gave me the RIGHT to have an opinion about his actions! The day he said "I do" should have been the day he actually CARED about what I had to say!!!
So who is the selfish one? The person who is concerned about the other person's health?? Or the person who is choosing to smoke even though he knows his wife doesn't approve????

That's what I thought....

I swear it will take him getting cancer before he even thinks twice about the decisions he is making. He has the mentality that "Whatever doesn't kill him makes him stronger". Well, that may have worked when he was livin' the single life, but that doesn't fly when you're married! There should be other priorities in your life, like oh, LIVING! Not acting like a dumb shit! Actually understanding that if you eff up and you die, it actually affects someone else!! It leaves your wife...a widow....

THIS is not okay...I AM NOT OKAY! But I guess it doesn't matter what I think...

Did you miss me?

It has been way too long. I guess on my GIANT list of "To-Dos", blogging wasn't top priority...

Here's what's been going down!

I finally set a date for our wedding!!! On May 25, 2012, I will be married (again) to the most wonderful man in the world! I put down the deposit, now I just have to wait for them to schedule me an appointment to pick out the cake, food, flowers, music, etc! I am so lucky that this place takes care of almost everything for me. I don't know what I would do if I was left to handle it all on my own! Taking care of the invitations is proving to be a tough enough job as it is....

I spent some time with my pops for his birthday...My sister and I took him to breakfast and then we went to his GFs for a little BBQ and some ice cream cake. No, I did not get him his own Costco cake. Yes, I am a terrible daughter. Yes, he did make a fuss. Yes, he WILL be getting one for Father's Day! A huge one all to himself, tons of obnoxious colors, extra frosting, and writing that says "Happy Birthday/ Father's Day for the rest of your life!!!" teehee

I've gone to the beach twice so far this summer!! Unfortunately, the weather hasn't been all that great lately =( The first trip was just with my friend and her kids...trying to get them out of the house and busy so they stop driving her nuts!! The second trip was a family day for all of the wives. I had never really spent time with any of them, or really even knew who most of them were, so this was a nice way to meet some new people and swap stories. All of our husbands are on the same deployment, so we knew we all had at least one thing in common! While we were there, the FRO had set up a video camera and we were all allowed to say a short little message to send to the guys! It sounds silly, but I was SO nervous! I didn't know what to say to him...I'm sure I was all fidgety and awkward, but at least Nick will be able to identify me! haha

I started at the gym again, for real this time!! I am not allowed to go summer clothes or wedding dress shopping until I am happy with my weight! It is crunch time, folks! I am determined to get down to the weight I was when I met Nick...Scary as it sounds, that's like 40lbs!!! Diet and exercise hard core from here on out. Yesterday was my first day, and I actually felt great!! I feel like it actually gives me something to do during the day...I have an hour to myself where I don't have to think about anything! It is just me and the treadmill...

Well, friends, it is time for me to go. I promise not to be away this long again ;)
Hope everyone is having a wonderful week!!!
<3

Quit telling me you "Understand"

YOU DON'T!

I am sick and tired of people telling me that they "understand what I am going through". You don't, and never will, unless you get the unfortunate opportunity to live this life. Quit pitying me, quit telling me it will be okay, quit feeling sorry for me! You aren't helping. Not even a little bit.

I don't want to hear that I knew what I was getting myself in to. I know.

I don't want to be told to stop crying about it. When your husband leaves you for 7 months, you're allowed to cry!

I am tired of being invited places because "I should really get out of the house". Invite me because you want me to be there!

This weekend was the hardest yet. Memorial Day weekend...
Every news story is military, every Facebook post is military, everyone being all mushy gushy over their Marine. And what am I doing? Sitting in my bed wanting to die. Everything hurts. Especially my heart. You will never understand what it feels like to go to bed alone every night, you will never understand what it feels like to wake up alone every morning, you will never understand the sadness that overwhelms your every move because the person you love more than anything in the world is farther from you than you could ever imagine...My heart is broken and there isn't enough duct tape in the world to mend the pieces.

I hate this, and NO, you don't understand!

Life, Love and Books!

My husband is gone....
I keep telling myself this, but even after a few weeks with him being gone, it still doesn't feel real. I feel like one of these days I am going to wake up and he is going to be laying there right next to me. The last deployment was waayyy worse than this. I knew he was gone the day I dropped him off. I hated life and every day seemed to creep by. I didn't think I would survive those 7 months. This is different...Maybe because I know what to expect. "Been there, Done that!"
I feel like I actually know what I'm doing! I don't stay in bed and cry, I get up and go about my day. I understand that life goes on. I know that tomorrow will be a new day. A new day to be me!

I've gotten quite a bit done since he's been gone. Bills get paid, the apartment gets cleaned, dinner gets made....I've registered for school and applied to a few places for a part time job. (One of which is almost 100% certain!)

I have also made some progress on our wedding!! We had to change the date due to some weather concerns but I found the place we are going to have it! The next step is putting our deposit down and holding a date! I have never been so happy....I just want him to be home so we can have this wedding. Things are moving along. Life is good!

I love my husband more than life itself. He is my hero, my life, my love <3
I can't wait to have him back!

****

The other day I spent a huge chunk of my day getting the apartment spotless! I opened up a box and what do I find???

BOOOOKKKSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

So many that I haven't read yet! There is nothing greater than curling up on the couch to a good read!
Here are a few that I found:

If you need me, I'll be wrapped in a blanket, holding a glass of wine and nose deep in one of these treasures!! <3

It's a good day!

I feel so accomplished!!

It hasn't been long since the Mister left, and each day is hard in it's own way. Going to bed by yourself, waking up alone...Your whole life has to be re-adjusted!

I went grocery shopping the other day, and boy was that difficult!! Cooking for one, means shopping for one! How do you make a meal for one person? I have never had to do this before. Even while he was on this last deployment, I wasn't alone. Let's just say my first attempt at dinner for one, was a bust. I ended up having sooooo much left over! I will be eating tacos for another week!

I have started getting myself into a nice routine. Applied for a job, meeting with a school counselor this week...Things are looking up!

I was even able to lower our cable bill by about HALF! I am so proud of myself. Taking charge...saving money...

Oh, the life of a Marine Wife!

Missing that man so very much...<3

Stress- 1...Ashleigh- 0

Where is my husband when I need him?!

Oh yea....A whole different COUNTRY!!! Ughhhghghghg

As if a deployment isn't stressful enough, I feel like everything is falling apart. I have had horrible issues with my phone for a week now and stupid T-mobile doesn't even seem to care! Apparently they don't care that I have been a loyal customer since I was 16! Apparently they don't care that their product is a piece of crap! Apparently they don't care that because of them, their crappy phone, and their crappy service...I CAN'T TALK TO MY HUSBAND!!

Bitches...

To top it off, I am worried about this damn doctor appointment tomorrow...Please cross your fingers that everything comes back okay...


You win this time, Stress....But I will be back for round two, just you wait!

Just the sound of his voice

makes everything better!

I have been having some serious phone issues this week which stopped me from being able to receive incoming calls and emails...When your husband is deployed, this is extremely important!! I was afraid to leave the house in case he emailed me.

I got a couple emails from him while he was at the airport during a layover. It is nice just to be able to hear from him...Know that he's thinking of us just as much as we are thinking of him!

But last night was even better!! I had emailed him to tell him I finally got my phone fixed and at midnight last night, I got the call!!

Just getting to hear his voice was the greatest gift I could get! Granted, I was only half awake during the whole conversation...I am just so happy knowing he is safe. So happy that I could talk to him!

I love my husband more than anything in the world. These last few days have been HORRIBLE!! Missing him, sleeping alone, cooking for nobody...It is so hard...

I can't wait to hear from him again...HOPEFULLY SOON!!

Love you to the moon hunny! <3